BigFatOofta

Hello. I love food.  I have always loved it. Daydreamed about it. Diaried about it (ok, is diaried even a word??). Made it. Ate it. Craved it.  I love to love food.  I hate that I love food...at least to the extent that I do. Here's a quick waltz through my life with food: Childhood - Growing up, we had a mother who cared about feeding her children as healthfully as possible on a tight budget.  This doesn't mean we didn't get treats now and then, it just meant that a lot of main courses were baked beans and cheese, homemade mac and cheese, sweet potatoes, spaghetti, roast chicken, healthy pancakes, etc etc. (some of my favorites).  I still have the diary that I had to write in for school every day and pretty much without fail, I listed what I was going to have for lunch, or snack, or dinner or all of the above that day. Basically, ice cream and candy were my dream treats.  Over all, our family was blissfully unaware of all the effects of pesticides,...

Why am I about to share such personal information about myself?  Because I know how many of my sisters struggle either with physical eating disorders or mental ones....and I know the freedom that comes from confessing and I want to encourage anyone who might be in a similar place that I was...that there can be VICTORY.  complete and total.  so here goes.... I struggled with an eating disorder. I  struggled  with an eating disorder.  I  struggled with an  eating disorder!   Those were words that were so hard to say, and too long in coming. Words that I never thought I would have to say, for they were far too absurd and shameful to even imagine associating with. Yes, it is true. My life is not all put together. Let me give a little background. Growing up, I always had a good metabolism, and was one of those people who could eat anything yet still remain thin. My friends and my parents friends always would tell me “you are so  skinny...

Not that long ago, I did the pee on 1274834 sticks thing...and got the result of "pregnant." I was somewhat surprised. Very elated. Thankful.  Sobered. Full of joy.  Quite a bit nervous.  I should say I am still feeling a little of all of these emotions.  I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that we are pregnant (in a good way)!  Barely a week after we found out, we announced the pregnancy to our friends via phone and facebook.  I would imagine that many people might find it confusing as to why we would make this announcement so early .  I realize there is a so called "safe zone," which is when someone feels like all the danger of something "bad' happening seems to be past, and it is "safe" to announce.  Let me tell you something.   I wanted to have my own safe zone .   I was excited to share the news but I was wrestling with fear.  I had a pregnancy after our first son Israel, and Joshua and I didn't wait ...

Ever have one of those days weeks where you feel like a crazy ball of emotions?  Where you go from happy to hurt to mad, to raging mad to sad all in a short time a few seconds?  Where you are PMSing? (*cough cough* but I won't mention such things).  Where you just feel numb to the world, even God?  Where you feel like you have exhausted yourself trying to do the right thing, to grow, to be: humble, gracious, enjoyable, good mom, good wife, healthy, serving others, and even just brushing your teeth before bed?  Do you just want to curl into a fetal position and give into a massive "I give up" pity party (Where you are the victim of course ) ( sarcasm...of course)? Well, I have had am having one of those weeks.  I could just blame it on the hormones (and I think I shall at least hold to that being a part of the issue), but I know that it's more.  I just wish that i could come out of this funk.  Oh...wait...I can.  I just have to unw...

Yes, yes.  I am using the reference from the movie " How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days".... However, while the main character in the movie, Andie, discovers how to lose a guy (acting obnoxiously) for the sake of a good magazine cover story, I am not suggesting that we all try to learn how to lose hope by doing  a whole list of strategies; I am quite confident that most of us have all experienced the feeling of hopelessness all on our own, without trying.  And, might I add, we don't want  to be hopeless.  I am prone to quickly lose site of hope when I grab hold of something else, namely,  self-reliance . I could go on and on and create a book of a blogpost, but I'll try to be concise here.     When we see something we want, the world says we can have it if you only try hard enough.  There are rows and racks of self-help books with subjects of all different colors and flavors.  There are bajillions of blogposts out there with pe...

Humor me.  I want to talk about beauty.  Again.  And...I want to start out by quoting just a small piece of a pathetically sorry little ditty I wrote back in college entitled "Ode to Love Handles." Here's a chunk of the silly thing:  "These handles are the essence of love Not melting away when push comes to shove Wear them with pride and joy but beware Too much revealed and they all want to stare Don't be a fool and diet like mad Those handles are yours, you should be glad! The way they love is too much to take To keep them around, just feed them some cake." Ok.  I promise.... absolutely  PROMISE you...I am not proud of that poem.  It just came to mind as fitting for what I'm about to write about.   I am a mom.  This happened quite quickly.  Three months after marriage I got pregnant and 9 months later I have a baby...and 14 months later...I still don't have the body back that I used to have. It was pretty much  Boo...

i've always leaned more towards being a realist...even pessimist.  strong. aware. understanding. i've even spent a large chunk of my life being emotionally private.  boiled down, these adjectives lead to one huge word for me: PROTECTIVE . what i'm about to write about came to my attention as i was reminiscing over my childhood hobbies, toys and activities.  while some of these interests of mine just plainly spell out TOMBOY, i think there is possibly something there that goes even deeper (and i'll explain in just a bit). growing up, some of my favorite activities and toys included: lego castles, dreaming of one day owning a pocket watch, knife, gun and sword, barbie accompanied by my GI Joe (ken was stupid), rock collecting (and treasure collecting), building forts, dissecting road kill, gymnastics, smoking fake cigars and chewing fake tobacco (from wild grapes), making mud pots, spying on the neighbors, playing detective, riding my "motorcycle," sp...