BigFatOofta

No, I don’t want to listen to the grating “I am a friend of God” ….I don’t want to say everything will be ok. I just want to sit and bask in my glorified defeat. I have seen and tasted the bitter reality that we are depraved, alone, attacked, lost. It is with little effort that I grab hold of the frayed rope to pull slowly out of the mire...my misery is now my identity.  My shortcomings are almost comfortable...definitely acceptable.  My stiff upper lip feigns trust in God... How do we sink so low? How do we become entrapped so ruthlessly in the deceit that comes from the father of lies? For those left who feel the gentleness of the Spirit’s strength, flowing quietly as a stream….how many will fight the temptations and deceit that cause that stream to dry up into a barren wasteland? ….where hope has become a mocking echo of something lost. God is constant. He never pulls away. When we find ourselves in the middle of hopelessness, sin and defeat, it is because we ...

So. My car got stolen last weekend. Or maybe it just up and drove itself away.  Either way, I walked out to go to the store with my friend Krystal (she and her daughter were over visiting!) and I had the weird and heart-sinking moment of "umm...where's my car?" I thought that surely, I was just being a tired mom and was having trouble seeing correctly.  Or maybe, in a moment of "Sarah's lost in her own world again" I had parked the car in a different spot.  Neeeeeoooo.  Not so much.  There were three cars in the lot and none of them were mine.  Long story short, someone had to have hot wired my car and drove off.  I really wish that I could have been there to watch him/her get in the car without keys.  And I really wish I could have been in  the thief's head when he thought it'd be a great idea to choose the car with all the baby paraphernalia in it.  Or, when the car turned on, was he sufficiently awakened by the old school "Cree...

IF YOU CAN'T BEAT IT... Serve it. ....give daily to it.  Be a slave. What is "it?"  I'm referring to the lengths we women go to "beat" out other threats to our security in our man.  The fear we let live in us, that we will "lose" our man's appreciation for our beauty to someone/thing else.  The efforts we make to control how much he sees of the world, keep him from temptations.  The self-sabotaging questions we ask our man, because we don't trust his love for us. As much as I could continue to write "we women" here, (the whole reason I am about to write on this topic is because of the saddening enormity of women I see struggling along with me) I am just going to be vulnerable and write about what I've personally been walking through.  Ever since being married, I have been fighting enslavement to fear . Fear of loss.  Boiled down, idolatry of self and a lack of understanding in the power of the Gospel and the work of...

I wrote this about 2 years ago, but I'm finding myself in a similar place and wanted to "re-share"...I've been really wrestling with a lot of issues, sins and hurts that I've had buried WAY beneath the surface, and as I've been married, they've been bubbling out.  I have had to deal with everything, as when you are joined with someone as one, you can't really "escape."  As the Lord is stripping me lies I've believe, sins I've avoided and idols I've been clutching...I've been exhausted but...HEALING.  Growing.  I am both loving and *trying* to not resist the Lord's work.  This all being said...now... STRIPPED NAKED I am found cold, shaking My feet lift one by one off the shivering ground. I need that ring, please! It will show my accomplishments the world must know. You took my last comfort, why? I wanted that purse to carry my insecurities in. You destroyed my shoes! The world awa...