I'm PREGNANT. Now What?

Not that long ago, I did the pee on 1274834 sticks thing...and got the result of "pregnant."

I was somewhat surprised. Very elated. Thankful.  Sobered. Full of joy.  Quite a bit nervous.  I should say I am still feeling a little of all of these emotions.  I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that we are pregnant (in a good way)! 

Barely a week after we found out, we announced the pregnancy to our friends via phone and facebook.  I would imagine that many people might find it confusing as to why we would make this announcement so early.  I realize there is a so called "safe zone," which is when someone feels like all the danger of something "bad' happening seems to be past, and it is "safe" to announce.  Let me tell you something.  I wanted to have my own safe zone.  I was excited to share the news but I was wrestling with fear.  I had a pregnancy after our first son Israel, and Joshua and I didn't wait to share the news for some very specific reasons (which I'll mention in a minute).  We didn't wait until it was "safe." Then, we experienced what most parents don't like to think could ever happen to them:  Miscarriage.  I wrote more about the miscarriage, and you can read about it here . It was a heart-achy time, hard to share, yet, I will never wish that we could take back telling people early on.  

As is the case with many hard events or circumstances in life, when one person shares their struggle with the world, the world feels more welcome to share their similar struggle.  Open up and share hearts.  Find healing.  Encouragement.  This is what happened when Joshua and I shared the story of our miscarriage and our hearts were bared.  I cannot tell you how many people I had no idea had suffered similar heartache, shared with me their experience and also words of encouragement.  I felt (and I think I can speak for Joshua too) so overwhelmed by God's goodness and grace in the whole terrible loss, and I know that if we had kept the news to ourselves, we might have missed some of this.  Let me explain.  

When we got pregnant with baby number 2, we decided to immediately share the news:

1. So people could be praying for us

2. Because we were excited and wanted to rejoice with our friends

3. We wanted the walk through the pregnancy to be a testimony of God's grace and goodness to us

4. If something (say, miscarriage) happened, again receive prayer and have the opportunity to be a testimony of God's grace and goodness in our lives.  

See, God is sovereign and good.  He doesn't change.  As my husband always says, he is never sovereign and not good.  Never good and not sovereign.  So, regardless if we got to hold the baby I was carrying or not, He is sovereign and good.  Our walking publicly through our emotions and circumstances was truly a gift from God.   He allowed us to pause and mediate on his grace (this phrase is the meaning of a first and middle name, one that we actually have attributed to baby #2).  We were forced to reconcile this event as the sovereign and yes, even good, will of God, and give him praise in the midst of our sorrow.  As we did so, we have seen people encouraged in the Lord because of the work He did in our hearts.  We have heard word of people relating and feeling some healing because of what we shared.  Those who don't love Jesus and also experienced miscarriage were able to see that there is hope for healing, and joy even in sorrow. 

Therefore, because of our conviction to share early with baby #2, and because we saw the Lord bless that...there was no way that I could turn around and say that I wasn't going to trust God again.  That this time I was going to go by what was more "comfortable" and keep the news to myself.  No. If I could trust the Lord in who he is before and in hard times, I can trust him now with this new gift of baby #3. 

Am I still wrestling with "what ifs?"  Do I still ask the Lord to please, please keep the same thing from happening again?  You bet.  But...do I have a sobered sense of God's kindness towards us by granting us another soul to pour into?  A desire to not take the gift for granted and be thankful?  ABSOLUTELY.  

So.  I am pregnant. Now what?  

I praise the Lord!  He is good! always!  

In light of our previous miscarriage and also even now as I am grieved in reading about the atrocities that occurred under the hand of Kermit Gosnell, I thank the Lord for this precious, fragile gift of life inside of me, and I pray his protection over this little one.  I pray for a joyful heart, one that is not weighed down by fear and what-if's.  Whatever amount of days God has for this 'lil' lubber,' I can trust that he has sovereignly numbered them for his glory and our good (psalm 139!).  I can share our news with our friends (and my blog readers) because who God is never changes with circumstance.  And, I love my God and I want to give him a great huge shout out!! woooooo hooo!  

 To God be the glory, great things he has done!