Can I Just Blame It On My Hormones?

Ever have one of those days weeks where you feel like a crazy ball of emotions?  Where you go from happy to hurt to mad, to raging mad to sad all in a short time a few seconds?  Where you are PMSing? (*cough cough* but I won't mention such things).  Where you just feel numb to the world, even God?  Where you feel like you have exhausted yourself trying to do the right thing, to grow, to be: humble, gracious, enjoyable, good mom, good wife, healthy, serving others, and even just brushing your teeth before bed?  Do you just want to curl into a fetal position and give into a massive "I give up" pity party (Where you are the victim of course) (sarcasm...of course)?

Well, I have had am having one of those weeks.  I could just blame it on the hormones (and I think I shall at least hold to that being a part of the issue), but I know that it's more.  I just wish that i could come out of this funk.  Oh...wait...I can.  I just have to unwrap myself from the fetal pity position first.  No one can move whilst wrapped in a ball.  Obviously. 

Let me just say too, that just a week before this one, I was feeling really encouraged, and felt that I was flourishing in my role as wife, mom and daughter of the Lord.  I definitely attribute that to the gracious work of the Spirit in me, and for that I am thankful.  So, how did I just "turn off" to all of this encouragement and become cold/numb feeling, with an overall state of crappiness?  I think I have an idea.  

See, when the Lord was doing those good things in my heart, I was asking him to 1.) give me a heart to ask for help and 2). help me have a good heart.  And, of course, he answered that.  The whole reason I was praying those prayers though, was because I felt anxiety and discontentment knocking on my heart's door.  I felt like I was about to have a complete meltdown from all the things getting ready to shadow my joy.  To name a few areas of threatening discontentment:  feeling unimportant, lonely, housing, finances, my mommy role, cabin fever...and so on.  

Last week, I didn't actually give into being discontent to any of the above areas, rather, just felt the threat of their presence, so I ran to the Lord for help.  I read an awesome chapter in Jerry Bridges' book The Practice of Godliness called contentment and the Lord really ministered to me through that chapter and the corresponding scriptures.  I'm so thankful to Him for that!  

This statement by Bridges was a great reminder:  "Contentment lies not in being first, but in being faithful to fulfill the function God has called us to in the body of Christ...those gifts have been given to us by grace.  We did not deserve them; we did not earn them; they were sovereignly bestowed upon us...and God is sovereign in the bestowal of grace."  

Yes.  I have a calling...which is to live the way God has gifted me to function in the body of believers.  And, when I think of what I deserve (God's wrath), but what God gives me (grace and love) instead, I cannot in any way even start to feel discontent.  I feel full of praise and thankfulness.  JOY in my circumstances no matter how tough or mundane or scary.  Having this perspective is where my week last week went right. 

BOOM.  

Enter in this week.  I decided I would let my raging emotions and feelings just take over my actions.  Of course I don't feel like asking God for help.  Of course on my own strength it feels too hard to love my husband well.  I don't feel like being thankful to the Lord because I feel tired. Lacking motivation because I feel defeated.  Depressed because I am wallowing in selfish thoughts/desires/emotions.  I want to blame my  hormones to save face from having an ugly heart.  I feel I deserve to be pitied.  

Bad decision.  I know in my head and my heart from last week that I can choose to get off my emotional hormonal trainwreck and just...ask the Lord for help.  For his grace.  Thankfully he never gives up on me or says "too bad, you screwed up too many times, I'm done with you."  No.  He is waiting for me to come back to him with open loving arms.  He wants to help me find joy and fulfillment in him. Contentment (Hebrews 13:5!!). 

So, I had a good week, and now I'm having a bad week...and I can choose to turn it back into a good one.   

I might still have to deal with all the nagging circumstances of life (which is, undoubtedly, HARD) and work through trying situations, but I have to remember that while God's allowing of these circumstances doesn't always seem favorable, His grace is always sufficient.  SUFFICIENT!!!  

When I'm tired and doubting, I can remember the Gospel.  Remember what I deserve vs. what I have. I have Jesus, and that is everything.  I'll end with another set of quotes from Bridges: 

"God's grace is sufficient, whatever the circumstance.  And because God's grace is sufficient, we can be content.  But to experience contentment we must, as Paul did, accept that God's grace is in fact sufficient...an authentic faith in his grace in the face of trying circumstances."  

"The secret of being content: to learn and accept that we live daily by God's unmerited favor given through Christ, and that we can respond to any and every situation by his divine enablement through the Holy Spirit." 

The Gospel is simply profound and profoundly simple, and I need to ask for help daily to "get" it and live by it.  

So.  I choose to turn this lousy hard week around, and I will go get a delicious cup of coffee to celebrate.  

Yours sadly but truly,

Sar