BigFatOofta

Confession. I have been going around lately with a bad case of coveting. Maybe not obvious coveting but...if you get to the heart of my motivations...it is coveting. Soooo...mainly...to sum it up...I haven't been feeling well/had a lot of pain lately (back, head, neck) and with that I haven't been active and have been extremely exhausted. Whenever I am exhausted I am also extra emotional. ANYWAY. where does the coveting come in? It comes in when I look at people going about their normal lives and wishing I could do the same. In fact, I have been wanting that so badly, to feel well and to go about my normal life.....ha! There it is..."normal life"....that has been where my heart has been. Not seeing every event as part of God's plan for me. Rather, I tend to take the good and attribute that to God, and the bad and say well..once I get through this bad, I can go back to normal life (aka the selfish desire to have no pain or problems). C.S. Lewis sums up exactly what...

I am not a fan of having so much in my head and heart but not sure where to even start. As it is, my writing is usually unorganized and jumbled. Not usually much for concise. Hmm. Anyway. Here we go with some effort. I am sitting here drinking a burnt tasting coffee and eating a dry scone that looks good but tastes gross. Dry crumbs make me choke a bit. And the coffee...it is hard and bitter to swallow. Annnd...now...I am thinking of how when they are as they should be they taste amazing. And...well..I would much more often be unable to resist the temptation to buy them...mmm and...eat them. ANYWAY. Some of what is on my heart some how connected with how i feel about my scone and coffee. And, what is on my heart is the American Church culture as a whole. I'd like to say too, that all that is frustrating or grievous to me...is what I know my heart has been drawn to or participated in. I feel that sometimes, the brunt of persecution comes from our fellow Christians. There are ...

Connecting head to heart. Letting feelings take lead. Letting knowledge take the lead. How do you have both? When times of transition loom ahead,and there are vast bubbles of unknown...Am I scared? No. I can talk my way out of fear, and stuff my emotions aside. Tell myself I don't feel scared. However, how does one connect the head to the heart? Do we submit our emotions to our will...and then submit our will to God? How do we trust Him more than just verbalizing trust? I want to without a doubt, wholeheartedly, with every part of my being, trust Him. Stop. How big are my struggles? How much potential in the unknown is there for hard times? Lots. I can easily stress out. But then I look around. So and so has it worse than I do. OK. But, how do I handle what seems to be such a large struggle to me?! The feelings that are not in control start to want to take over. I ponder some more. You know, NOTHING is a guarantee. Never has been. But, there are some things in this world ...

I have a very vivid image of a girl coming up to me and saying “Sarah, I am going to ask Jesus in my heart one more time because I am not sure I did it right the first time. This girl now has declared that she doesn't want anything to do with Christianity and is living a life that is far from God. Unfortunately, this story has yet to have a conclusive ending. But one thing I know, is that she has not come to the realization that salvation is a free gift that we just have to accept. It is not something we can earn or bring about on our own. Do you personally feel that you are living a life that is getting you nowhere? Do you have trouble feeling forgiven or that nothing you do is good enough? Martin Luther struggled with these concepts and came to some powerful conclusions. He grew up in a Catholic background, and later in life when feeling like he was facing death in a storm, he called on St. Anne to intercede for him and if she did so he would become a monk. Martin got thr...

Things that baffle me, written in no particular order, that may get somewhat graphic as I am a very blunt person, that I have been recently observing, all based off my own personal preferences: * -Men + pink, purple and various and sundry pastels. WHat!? These colors are (in my opinion) for Easter eggs and doll clothes. If I have to look at you for more than a first glace and wonder if you are wearing a costume or real clothes...well...your outfit choice for the day might be a tragic mistake. (all said in gentle love of course) -Trollup shoes. Why do we women totter around in shoes that are constructed in a way that gives our approaching presence the appearance of godzilla on stilts?! Seriously? We are supposed to be full of grace while wearing a plethora of fur, feathers, sequins, flowers, and 5 inch heels!? Umm...save them for the knick knack shelf...if you must. -500 additions to an order of "coffee"...if it takes you 5 minutes to spit out your particular order, maybe...