BigFatOofta

sarah:  hebrew; "princess" beth: hebrew; "my God is a vow"   ****(yes, i realize the absolute terribleness...and amateur schlock paint job that this picture is)**** as some of you might know, the meaning of names has become important to me and my husband, especially when picking names out for our children.  i love the meaning of joshua's name (joshua; God is my salvation and eric; mighty warrior). israel jahmai: prince of God or strives with God and one whom Yahweh protects.  also, the meanings we were looking at for our last pregnancy (the miscarriage) were meaningful. then...there is my name.  let's just say i haven't until recently, had much appreciation for it.  i never really bothered to look up the meaning of beth until now, which is a derivative of elizabeth.  i have always known that sarah means princess, and beth is just...old and boring sounding. here are what i have always associated my full name with: -sad ...

One of my greatest hesitations in telling the world about the pregnancy of baby Codispoti # 2 was....what if...what if  ...I miscarry?  It'd be easier if we just waited to see if I got to a "safe zone" before we make the big announcement.  Then I wouldn't have to deal with the emotions and pain if something "bad" happened...re-living the pain of telling each person who asks me "so, how's your pregnancy going?" that we are no longer pregnant.   Well, I miscarried.  Am in the process of it anyway.  I started lightly spotting which turned to bleeding over the course of 5 days, and an ultrasound on Monday confirmed our suspicions:  we lost the baby.  The pain and disappointment that washed over me was overwhelming.  It felt surreal, yet at the same time, I had been prepared a little emotionally before we had confirmation of what was going on.  Let me share what the Lord did in my heart (and share a little of my husbands heart...

As Anton Ego had to learn in the movie "Ratatouille" ....perspective is life changing.  Granted, he was a foodie and all he really really  wanted, as he discovered, was the simple dish, ratatouille.  Rainbows and happiness abounded when he finally realized this and he spent the rest of his life partaking in the joys of eating said dish.  He called the dish "perspective."    Now, I am not going to talk about food here, but I do want to talk about my perspective as of late.  I think it's Christmas season especially that makes me start thinking down this line of thought, but regardless the reason, I am glad to go down it.   I was walking through the mall the other day with Israel, and I was just going to get out of the house.  No buying.  Just looking.  Well, in not being on a mission to find various things, I had the whole mall to just watch.  People here and there, rushing around.  Trying on the newest makeup colors...

Tis the season to ask "WHY?" Things I am asking "Why?" about recently...in a slightly-venting-but-not-really-mostly- joking-cus-i-feel-like-joking-way: 1. What's wrong with Thanksgiving?  Must we start the commercialization of Christmas soooooo soooooo early each year?  Goodness, before we know it, we'll be preparing for Christmas at Easter!  Christmas commercialization crap all year round...yippee!!     2. Why do people find it ok to keep people on either side of them stopped up on a PUBLIC walking trail....just so they can take 239840293849302934 pictures of a *gasp* Blue HERON on the bridge?? 3.  Blue Heron's are cool but ...are they *that* cool? 4. Why is it that no one except for John Codispoti seems to have gotten down the recipe for the perfect cheesecake?  HUGELY THICK.  DENSE....like a BRICK.  DELICIOUS.  Thankful to know John Codispoti...for many reasons. ;)   me eating said goodness... 5. Why do r...

Seriously, guys.  God has been majorly working on my perspective of him and his love and acceptance...and grace.  This poem thingiemajog is all props to HIM...He literally had the words rolling out...in two sittings.  So.  Thank you, Jesus, for your help with my perspective and my expression OF the perspective.  

Do you ever find yourself telling God how exactly he needs to take care of you?  I do.  God promises to care for his children, right?  I am his child.  Therefore, I can just build this big detailed picture of what that care looks like, and expect God to do it, right?   WRONG .  Let's take a few examples of recent ways in which I have been praying to the Lord to please, PLEASE do his work. My mouth (pain, infection, risk to baby), my body during pregnancy (difficulties!) and...a big one...the election.   With my health, I find myself telling God "Lord, if you just heal my mouth, I would have such a testimony to tell people!  If you just do a healing miracle, how amazing would that make you look!  God, I can't understand why you would allow something that could put my child at risk!  God, I told you I would have a better attitude this round of pregnancy, but I was really hoping you would allow me mobility...show your graciousnes...

disappointment.     it comes in varying degrees.   i'm pretty sure we are all familiar with the many shades of disappointment's appearance.   here are just a few ways that I've experienced disappointment lately: -target was having a sale on Starbucks but they were out of the kind i wanted.  -i want this blog to have good punctuation but my "a" key and my shift key are sticking or not working well...and then, I had a fleeting thought of disappointment that getting a new computer is not an option right now. -ligament issues from pregnancy that I've been asking God to keep away have been starting...early. -wondering why God hasn't healed my teeth.  -hubs has a meeting tomorrow I wasn't planning on. -I sinned again in an area i'm so desperately trying to grow in. -exhausted but unable to sleep well at night.  -disappointed that i have a son that is going to have to "notice" at an early age all the "sex" that is ever...

"But Daddy, I want it Noooooowwwww!!"  whines Veruca Salt throughout the Willy Wonka movie.  So obnoxious. So annoying.  So much wanting you to find your duct tape and slap it across her mouth.  Ugh.  But wait.  Isn't that annoying display a sign of discontentment?  Impatience?  Aren't I often struggling with discontentment and impatience?  I think Veruca was spoiled too, but I am not quite able to call myself that.  ;)  Anyway.  Patience.  I struggle to maintain it.  When I see something that needs to be done, or that could be done...I just want to do it.  If there is an event that I want to take place...it needs to be as soon as possible.  Sometimes, if I have a task in front of me, I literally can't "rest"...or choose not to...until it is accomplished. I was the kid who always got her new textbooks and instead of taking each day and lesson in order, in it's time...I'd immediately open the book and...

Raise your hand if you struggle with being corrected...if you take teaching and correction as pain and hurt instead of love?  If you feel defenses rising up inside of you if you feel your heart has been misunderstood...If you hear "I want to lead you to Christ" as "I want to fix you"....If you don't feel secure enough in your identity to trust a person you care about's love for you...If you crave affirmation and praise to the unhealthy level of if you don't get it, you feel undesirable...unlovable...If you are so busy trying to "feel" care from others that you step all over and refuse to care for/give grace to the person you are trying to feel the care from. Me.  Pick me.  My hand is raised high.  Both hands actually.   You know, it's amazing when you finally stop long enough to have a conversation with God, and humble yourself before him, how much easier it is to love and be loved.  Care and receive care. Understand and be understo...

I wish I could call this post "Monday Musings" because that sounds a whole lot better than "Wednesday Musings."  Hmm.  Well, I guess I'll just call it something entirely different...to be determined at the end of this post.  Came across Genesis 32:12 yesterday...and have been thinking about it since.   "And you said, 'I will surely do you good.'"   Everything about God is good.  Everything that happens that is "bad" in our lives, is just "hard."  The enemy intends  things for bad, but the Lord uses things for good (Rom. 8:28).  God can only be good, do us good, be our  good and...here's the kicker.   Nothing we do can earn His goodness.  God in His kindness desires good for his children.  Psalm 84:11 says: " For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withold from those who walk uprightly."   Walking uprightly.  We can't do that on our own, (therefor...

Marriage.  I've been reflecting on my love for my amazing husband today... We have so much fun together, share so much love, and are so incredibly  suited for each other.  But...there comes with that being sinful human beings coming together and learning how to better love the other.  How to care for the other in a way that is received (unique to each person) as love.  Marriage, as wonderful as it is, is a fight.   Fight to love Christ most and die to self.  Fight to love selflessly and humbly and generously.  Fight with grace.  Fight with surrender, ultimately, of the other person to our Lord.   I wrote this song for Joshua recently as we have been working through some deep heart issues...and to me it is the crux of how I can best love my man.  If I want to love him best, I need to surrender him to the one who is perfect.  The true ultimate lover.  I'll share it with you all...  Its called:  GIVE YOU ...