BigFatOofta

Hi. I have something I need to confess. I don't like it....confession that is. Do I do it? Yes. Do I do it with the correct motivation or often enough? Ummm....*cough cough*... For some reason it is easier to confess to people when they are not MY HUSBAND. I have realized this lately and when you dig deep, and then deeper still, there's a whole lot going on. Here is a taste of what has been going through my everlovingtothinkprocess brain. I'm gonna start with an outline and then unpack all of it. For my own sake of trying to get everything out in an organized fashion. 1. I can confess to people that are not my husband easily and readily enough because:  a) they don't know me as well and  b) I don't have as much to "lose" 2. Why do I have a hard time with my husband? a) He knows me better than anyone b) When you are married you see yourself, who you really are, in a mirror. You can no longer "avoid" looking for imperfections or ways to gr...

hello misunderstanding. rejection. good day, snubbing. resentment. hi, judging. assumptions. you hurt. you don't know me. if you knew me would you think that? does it matter? why should it? why does it? get out of my brain! why do i struggle so? here are some brutally hard yet freeing questions i have had to look in the face lately and the answers to those questions are not exactly "comfortable" or "ideal" but what the Lord has laid on my heart. Questions for third person sarah: *ahem* Dear Sarah, -who is your greatest joy and treasure? is it Jesus or people? -what is your identity? Is it all that You are because of Jesus in you (you believe that the only good you have in yourself is Jesus right?) or what people see you as or ascribe to you? -do you make people and their affirmation and love an idol? -what are your motivations for pursuing people? loving them? -are you willing to love people with the love the Savior has freely and undeservedly bestowe...

There is a growing trend in the Christian body. It's called the spaghetti strainer. As I talk to people, and experience a new season of life, (single to married, and now expecting a child) I have been hearing more and more of the phrases "well, they just are in a different season of life." Or, "we need to meet them where they are at" (often referring to younger people). And, "we like people who aren't our own age but I don't really have anything in common with them and it makes me feel awkward." That is just a beginning summary of the strainer. Essentially, our culture, and now we as the body of Christ embracing our culture (or at least wanting to fit in), has found itself in a place where every age, and every season of life, must be "strained" to fit in the right category. This has been something I have noticed in the general observations of church and personally in my own life. There are several reasons I think that the strainer of...

So...the Lord brought me to Micah 7 this morning...a book in Scripture I haven't read in quite a while. I read it through once, quickly, and it resonated. Read it through again, and resonated more...and then processed with Joshua why it did so and I found myself encouraged. Soooooo I am going to share the passage with whoever you are reading! MICAH 7 Wait for the God of Salvation 1 Woe is me! For I have become as when the summer fruit has been gathered, as when the grapes have been gleaned: there is no cluster to eat, no first-ripe fig that my soul desires. 2 The godly has perished from the earth, and there is no one upright among mankind; they all lie in wait for blood, and each hunts the other with a net. 3 Their hands are on what is evil, to do it well; the prince and the judge ask for a bribe, and the great man utters the evil desire of his soul; thus they weave it together. 4The best of them is like a brier, the most upright of them a thorn hedge. (There is...

Confession. I have been going around lately with a bad case of coveting. Maybe not obvious coveting but...if you get to the heart of my motivations...it is coveting. Soooo...mainly...to sum it up...I haven't been feeling well/had a lot of pain lately (back, head, neck) and with that I haven't been active and have been extremely exhausted. Whenever I am exhausted I am also extra emotional. ANYWAY. where does the coveting come in? It comes in when I look at people going about their normal lives and wishing I could do the same. In fact, I have been wanting that so badly, to feel well and to go about my normal life.....ha! There it is..."normal life"....that has been where my heart has been. Not seeing every event as part of God's plan for me. Rather, I tend to take the good and attribute that to God, and the bad and say well..once I get through this bad, I can go back to normal life (aka the selfish desire to have no pain or problems). C.S. Lewis sums up exactly what...

I am not a fan of having so much in my head and heart but not sure where to even start. As it is, my writing is usually unorganized and jumbled. Not usually much for concise. Hmm. Anyway. Here we go with some effort. I am sitting here drinking a burnt tasting coffee and eating a dry scone that looks good but tastes gross. Dry crumbs make me choke a bit. And the coffee...it is hard and bitter to swallow. Annnd...now...I am thinking of how when they are as they should be they taste amazing. And...well..I would much more often be unable to resist the temptation to buy them...mmm and...eat them. ANYWAY. Some of what is on my heart some how connected with how i feel about my scone and coffee. And, what is on my heart is the American Church culture as a whole. I'd like to say too, that all that is frustrating or grievous to me...is what I know my heart has been drawn to or participated in. I feel that sometimes, the brunt of persecution comes from our fellow Christians. There are ...

Connecting head to heart. Letting feelings take lead. Letting knowledge take the lead. How do you have both? When times of transition loom ahead,and there are vast bubbles of unknown...Am I scared? No. I can talk my way out of fear, and stuff my emotions aside. Tell myself I don't feel scared. However, how does one connect the head to the heart? Do we submit our emotions to our will...and then submit our will to God? How do we trust Him more than just verbalizing trust? I want to without a doubt, wholeheartedly, with every part of my being, trust Him. Stop. How big are my struggles? How much potential in the unknown is there for hard times? Lots. I can easily stress out. But then I look around. So and so has it worse than I do. OK. But, how do I handle what seems to be such a large struggle to me?! The feelings that are not in control start to want to take over. I ponder some more. You know, NOTHING is a guarantee. Never has been. But, there are some things in this world ...