I am not a fan of having so much in my head and heart but not sure where to even start. As it is, my writing is usually unorganized and jumbled. Not usually much for concise. Hmm. Anyway. Here we go with some effort.
I am sitting here drinking a burnt tasting coffee and eating a dry scone that looks good but tastes gross. Dry crumbs make me choke a bit. And the coffee...it is hard and bitter to swallow. Annnd...now...I am thinking of how when they are as they should be they taste amazing. And...well..I would much more often be unable to resist the temptation to buy them...mmm and...eat them.
ANYWAY.
Some of what is on my heart some how connected with how i feel about my scone and coffee. And, what is on my heart is the American Church culture as a whole. I'd like to say too, that all that is frustrating or grievous to me...is what I know my heart has been drawn to or participated in.
I feel that sometimes, the brunt of persecution comes from our fellow Christians. There are multiple reasons of why this is so, and what I am about to describe has both been my experience of this persecution...or my participation of it. When I say persecution, I speak of:
-INSECURITY: This may seem mild, as every person and their mother and their mother's mother (aka gramma) have insecurities. So what? However, I have so often seen insecurity be the root of the inability to form deep and meaningful relationships with people. In the spiritual sense, some people can see other brothers or sisters with a great and deep relationship with the Lord and be intimidated and not feel good enough to participate...and therefore don't let another brother's growth encourage...rather they let it ostracize. Instead, we try to run to people who are in the same place as us b/c it makes us feel better about where we are at. Or, on a more superficial level, insecurity could just keep people from wanting your friendship at all! And, I had on more than one occasion...girls tell me that their initial impression of me was (based on external appearances stemming from insecurity) "oh, that girl looks like this, and must have a bunch of guys like her, and therefore I hate her" and I hadn't even met these girls yet! And, these, again, are Christian sisters. Not non-believers. This example that i gave also is an example of insecurity turned to resentment...speaking of...
-RESENTMENT: I think resentment is a deeper implication of insecurity. When we become focused on our worth as product of what WE do--our accomplishments, success, appearances, etc. a whole world of comparison happens. Instead of looking to the Lord as our help and knowing that it is Him and ONLY Him that brings forth good...we look to ourselves. Therefore, it makes sense, that if we see someone who seems more successful, attractive, or just has an "easier life"...we would compare it to our own, feel insecure and then move to resentful. We wonder why others won't give US a chance to shine, to have the limelight, to experience affirmation and it bugs us when other people seem more desireable. Again, a product of not seeing our worth in Christ and not remembering we are NOTHING without HIM. Therefore, when we see a person who seems to "have it together or going for them"...(which is never the case with anyone, some are just better at hiding their struggles) instead of being encouraged of the work that the Lord is doing in their life, or, happy for our brothers and sisters, we let resentment poison potential relationships, and thus eat at our souls.
-LIVING FOR PLEASURE: All of us, in our sinful nature, are content to live a life for pleasure with a side hobby of God, when it suits what we want to do, and thus there is often a lack of desire for depth or challenging discipleship within the body (and this also plays into insecurity and resentment). It's hard, because, we are unable to do anything without the help of Christ, even DESIRE Christ. Therefore, if we are not continually asking the Lord for the desire to seek Him and serve Him, we aren't going to naturally have our activities and lifestyle be an outflow of things of the Lord. It is when we are seeking the Lord, and learning more about who He is, that we cannot help but to have that overflow into how we live our lives and the decisions we make. But, we like to compartmentalize. For example, we can have favorite Tv shows, movies, book series, ways we conduct relationships...yadda yadda be something that we might see are not in line with what we know is true, but we like to say "well, this won't affect me, I'll be fine...and...I can go on a whole tangent on this whole deal but I will keep this "brief"... At any rate, we like to watch or read or live how we want, but seek God in the times of need or when it is convenient for us. But, heaven forbid, if we have a sister or brother challenge us on this, even if in love...our hackles go up. We don't WANT to be challenged. And we won't ever want to unless our heart is desiring growth. Therefore, it can be a really lonely time when a Christian pursues what is right and good. B/c sadly, the natural outflow of our friends being in a place with God on the side, or compartmentalized, will lead you to feel ostracized or alone, if you are actually in a place of seeking/following. Christians get made fun or or even hated on, or names slandered...by OTHER BELIEVERS! This is sad, but again, a natural playing out of our sinful natures.
So how does dry scone and bitter coffee have anything to do with this? I was just thinking that sometimes the actions of the church body can leave you having a hard time swallowing truth, when it comes from someone who is supposed to be supporting you, but rather is "persecuting" you. And, when you yourself are a person living with insecurity, resentment or compartmentalization, what is true and good can be hard to swallow as it seems dry. What looks good, tasteful on the outside, if it is dry or bitter, is near impossible to swallow, and even if able to swallow, it is miserable. But, the thing is, God's truth is God's truth. And we just have the responsibility of living it the best we can (with HIS help!) and making sure OUR hearts are in the right place. God is changer of hearts, not us. We have to be faithful, but aren't responsible. I'll be honest, I have definitely struggled with ALL of the above at different points in my life. We all do. It just grieves me sometimes of how hopeless it seems for unity in the body. Depth in the body. Discipleship in the body. Love in the body. Grace in the body. Encouragement in the body. When this is lacking...living for the Lord can seem lonely. We know that we will be like aliens among the unnbelieving. That is told to us in scripture. We are in but not of the world, this is not our home. But what can be even more devestating is when we feel like aliens among our OWN KIND!! Among fellow believers. But, also, the harder we seek the Lord, the more the enemy presses in to discourage. We can at least know that when the enemy attacks, it is usually when we are doing something He doesn't like, which would b e somethiing of God.
In all of this musing...I feel compelled to pray for our church. The whole body of believers, esp. in America. I pray we would be seeking after the Lord like we only have one day left to live, that we would be unafraid to live and challenge our fellow believers in truth, that we wouldn't fall prey to the VERY subtle lies of the enemy...and that we would not feel discouraged when we are seemingly alone or persecuted by our fellow believers. That we would be content and FULL of the joy that the Lord's presence gives. That we would not just know, but would FEEL that HE is the only thing that truly satisfies and is all deserving of our pursuit of Him. That we wouldnt let insecurities, resentment or our own selfishness keep us from growing in Him, or from uplifting a brother or sister. That the truth would be easy to swallow, not dry or bitter, and that we would not be able to resist the temptation to seek GOd and GOd alone, both in prayer, scripture and then how we live! :)
I am sitting here drinking a burnt tasting coffee and eating a dry scone that looks good but tastes gross. Dry crumbs make me choke a bit. And the coffee...it is hard and bitter to swallow. Annnd...now...I am thinking of how when they are as they should be they taste amazing. And...well..I would much more often be unable to resist the temptation to buy them...mmm and...eat them.
ANYWAY.
Some of what is on my heart some how connected with how i feel about my scone and coffee. And, what is on my heart is the American Church culture as a whole. I'd like to say too, that all that is frustrating or grievous to me...is what I know my heart has been drawn to or participated in.
I feel that sometimes, the brunt of persecution comes from our fellow Christians. There are multiple reasons of why this is so, and what I am about to describe has both been my experience of this persecution...or my participation of it. When I say persecution, I speak of:
-INSECURITY: This may seem mild, as every person and their mother and their mother's mother (aka gramma) have insecurities. So what? However, I have so often seen insecurity be the root of the inability to form deep and meaningful relationships with people. In the spiritual sense, some people can see other brothers or sisters with a great and deep relationship with the Lord and be intimidated and not feel good enough to participate...and therefore don't let another brother's growth encourage...rather they let it ostracize. Instead, we try to run to people who are in the same place as us b/c it makes us feel better about where we are at. Or, on a more superficial level, insecurity could just keep people from wanting your friendship at all! And, I had on more than one occasion...girls tell me that their initial impression of me was (based on external appearances stemming from insecurity) "oh, that girl looks like this, and must have a bunch of guys like her, and therefore I hate her" and I hadn't even met these girls yet! And, these, again, are Christian sisters. Not non-believers. This example that i gave also is an example of insecurity turned to resentment...speaking of...
-RESENTMENT: I think resentment is a deeper implication of insecurity. When we become focused on our worth as product of what WE do--our accomplishments, success, appearances, etc. a whole world of comparison happens. Instead of looking to the Lord as our help and knowing that it is Him and ONLY Him that brings forth good...we look to ourselves. Therefore, it makes sense, that if we see someone who seems more successful, attractive, or just has an "easier life"...we would compare it to our own, feel insecure and then move to resentful. We wonder why others won't give US a chance to shine, to have the limelight, to experience affirmation and it bugs us when other people seem more desireable. Again, a product of not seeing our worth in Christ and not remembering we are NOTHING without HIM. Therefore, when we see a person who seems to "have it together or going for them"...(which is never the case with anyone, some are just better at hiding their struggles) instead of being encouraged of the work that the Lord is doing in their life, or, happy for our brothers and sisters, we let resentment poison potential relationships, and thus eat at our souls.
-LIVING FOR PLEASURE: All of us, in our sinful nature, are content to live a life for pleasure with a side hobby of God, when it suits what we want to do, and thus there is often a lack of desire for depth or challenging discipleship within the body (and this also plays into insecurity and resentment). It's hard, because, we are unable to do anything without the help of Christ, even DESIRE Christ. Therefore, if we are not continually asking the Lord for the desire to seek Him and serve Him, we aren't going to naturally have our activities and lifestyle be an outflow of things of the Lord. It is when we are seeking the Lord, and learning more about who He is, that we cannot help but to have that overflow into how we live our lives and the decisions we make. But, we like to compartmentalize. For example, we can have favorite Tv shows, movies, book series, ways we conduct relationships...yadda yadda be something that we might see are not in line with what we know is true, but we like to say "well, this won't affect me, I'll be fine...and...I can go on a whole tangent on this whole deal but I will keep this "brief"... At any rate, we like to watch or read or live how we want, but seek God in the times of need or when it is convenient for us. But, heaven forbid, if we have a sister or brother challenge us on this, even if in love...our hackles go up. We don't WANT to be challenged. And we won't ever want to unless our heart is desiring growth. Therefore, it can be a really lonely time when a Christian pursues what is right and good. B/c sadly, the natural outflow of our friends being in a place with God on the side, or compartmentalized, will lead you to feel ostracized or alone, if you are actually in a place of seeking/following. Christians get made fun or or even hated on, or names slandered...by OTHER BELIEVERS! This is sad, but again, a natural playing out of our sinful natures.
So how does dry scone and bitter coffee have anything to do with this? I was just thinking that sometimes the actions of the church body can leave you having a hard time swallowing truth, when it comes from someone who is supposed to be supporting you, but rather is "persecuting" you. And, when you yourself are a person living with insecurity, resentment or compartmentalization, what is true and good can be hard to swallow as it seems dry. What looks good, tasteful on the outside, if it is dry or bitter, is near impossible to swallow, and even if able to swallow, it is miserable. But, the thing is, God's truth is God's truth. And we just have the responsibility of living it the best we can (with HIS help!) and making sure OUR hearts are in the right place. God is changer of hearts, not us. We have to be faithful, but aren't responsible. I'll be honest, I have definitely struggled with ALL of the above at different points in my life. We all do. It just grieves me sometimes of how hopeless it seems for unity in the body. Depth in the body. Discipleship in the body. Love in the body. Grace in the body. Encouragement in the body. When this is lacking...living for the Lord can seem lonely. We know that we will be like aliens among the unnbelieving. That is told to us in scripture. We are in but not of the world, this is not our home. But what can be even more devestating is when we feel like aliens among our OWN KIND!! Among fellow believers. But, also, the harder we seek the Lord, the more the enemy presses in to discourage. We can at least know that when the enemy attacks, it is usually when we are doing something He doesn't like, which would b e somethiing of God.
In all of this musing...I feel compelled to pray for our church. The whole body of believers, esp. in America. I pray we would be seeking after the Lord like we only have one day left to live, that we would be unafraid to live and challenge our fellow believers in truth, that we wouldn't fall prey to the VERY subtle lies of the enemy...and that we would not feel discouraged when we are seemingly alone or persecuted by our fellow believers. That we would be content and FULL of the joy that the Lord's presence gives. That we would not just know, but would FEEL that HE is the only thing that truly satisfies and is all deserving of our pursuit of Him. That we wouldnt let insecurities, resentment or our own selfishness keep us from growing in Him, or from uplifting a brother or sister. That the truth would be easy to swallow, not dry or bitter, and that we would not be able to resist the temptation to seek GOd and GOd alone, both in prayer, scripture and then how we live! :)
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