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This is how we know what love is...in a disorganized fashion.

hello misunderstanding. rejection. good day, snubbing. resentment. hi, judging. assumptions. you hurt. you don't know me. if you knew me would you think that? does it matter? why should it? why does it? get out of my brain!


why do i struggle so? here are some brutally hard yet freeing questions i have had to look in the face lately and the answers to those questions are not exactly "comfortable" or "ideal" but what the Lord has laid on my heart.


Questions for third person sarah:
*ahem*
Dear Sarah,
-who is your greatest joy and treasure? is it Jesus or people?
-what is your identity? Is it all that You are because of Jesus in you (you believe that the only good you have in yourself is Jesus right?) or what people see you as or ascribe to you?
-do you make people and their affirmation and love an idol?
-what are your motivations for pursuing people? loving them?
-are you willing to love people with the love the Savior has freely and undeservedly bestowed on you?
-are you willing to be used by the Lord and obedient in love whether you receive it in return or not?
-if someone hurts you or refuses to understand or know you,can you rest secure in the love of Christ?
-what does it mean to love successfully?


*exit third person sarah questions*...


Wow. sometimes the Lord really hits you with a lot at once, but when He reveals and hits you with truth, it's sooooo worth it. He is showing me how truly unworthy and sinful my heart is. How completely undeserving I am of His grace...yet how blessed and desperate and thankful I am to have His steadfast love. His unending mercies. His daily grace. If I received back in return how I treat God, I would be so utterly miserable and hopeless. Praise the LORD for He is GOOD! His love endures forever.


One good thing about being perceptive and often being right in what I perceive about a person....is that it helps me understand how I might be able to bless someone. MAJOR downside of such perceptiveness is that there are times that I am very much wrong. On top of this, I start to base my abilities to "successfully" love (by successfully I mean I get positive results from loving that person) a person off of what i do. "positive" results can look like returned care or being able to encourage a person, or the person receives my love for what it is, or ....on and on...but really successfully loving someone...isn't that being able to love like Christ loves us? Isn't that loving without expecting gain? Now, I realize that the Lord asks us to be faithful and ask Him to do great things, and He will do them for us. But that's just it, isn't it? HE does great things. not me. People receiving my love or who i am etc etc has nothing to do with my own capabilities or worth, it is the power of Christ in me. I may never see the fruit of my love, but the Lord asks us to love our brother as Christ loves us, and therefore, we can trust that HE will be changer of hearts. HE will encourage hearts. HE will love hearts. Not because of me...but CHRIST in me. And...I reap the fruit of loving with Gospel love even when the Gospel love is not received by people. I reap because the Lord does great things in my heart when I ask Him for love and He gives it and it overflows to others. This means that I don't worry about understanding the "whys" of people's actions or thoughts, I don't become discouraged when misunderstood, I don't need to justify what I see is unjust, I don't need to be known by people. I DO need to remember the greatness of the Gospel in my life, revel in who I am because of Christ in me, be confident in His love, and delight in his acceptance.


Do justice. Love kindness. Walk humbly with my Lord. Micah 6:8


By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.


By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:16-20




PREACH YOURSELF THE GOSPEL, SARAH! DOOOOO it!

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