Ok, so I have this disgusting tendency to dissect, massacre and choose the choice pieces of my food. I think that my family, friends and husband alike can attest to this. To name a few:
Picking out and eating every single yogurt covered cheerio in the box, picking out all the M&M's or chocolate pieces from trail mix, eating muffin tops and then picking the blueberries out of the rest of the muffin leaving a sad heap of crumbs (that I may or may not come back to), eating only the parts of the chocolate chip cookie that has chips in it, biting holes in raisin bagels where the raisins are and leaving the rest, eating the cookie dough out of the ice cream, taking bites out of truffles to see if I like them (from the bottom of course), and....well...you get the picture. Oh...well...one more thing...Katie (my sister) will never forgive me for sucking out all the creme from a whole bag of caramel cremes (bullseyes), and leaving the chewed up/spit out caramel in a lovely caramel sculpture on her bookshelf. I meant to remove it before she saw, but that's besides the point....
Sooooo where am I going with all this? Believe it or not, but I am about to use my food and gross habits in eating my food, to make an observation about myself.
Wait for itttttt, wait for itttttt!!
I think that I like to approach my life and how I grow in a rather "pick and choose" way. I like what's tastiest and easy, and like to leave behind or "get to the rest later" whatever is hard. In terms of something that I have to do (such as when I had schoolwork due or deadlines that I couldn't escape) I will get the hard done with so I can enjoy the "fun"...but when it comes to my heart. Woah. Me dealing with my heart can sometimes look like a bombed up half gallon of cookie dough ice cream. I like to dive in and deal with what is the easiest to manage and will taste good. But, there are issues I need to deal with in my heart that get left behind like the sorry vanilla ice cream with the meager amounts of chocolate chips. Like so:
Example of this:
I'll pursue confessing general "easy" confessions that everyone deals with: The token confessions of pride. selfishness. impatience. etc. It's not that hard to tell people in a general sense what your sins are and ask for prayer. But heaven forbid, I be challenged to take those confessed traits and actually dig deeper into how they are affecting other people. How I am nurturing my idol of self by acting out sinfully, confessing it but not being humble enough or open hearted enough to actually kill sin and grow! Here's the thing. Choosing to eat the body and drink the blood of Christ leaves no option for buffets! I cannot be fully washed in His blood but only choose the parts of life that are pleasant. I can't only live like half of a new creation, for when Christ says He makes us into a new creation, He says the old is passed away (2 Cor. 5:17). There is no partaking in the easy parts of life, the blessings from the bless-er, and refusing to eat what is less pleasant (killing the flesh, dealing with "hard"). If I am to walk with Christ in my life, I need to take up my cross. I need to allow Christ into all of my life and heart, so that my new self can be continually sanctified. I must not waste a half gallon of cookie dough ice cream just b/c I am only craving cookie dough, and vanilla ice cream seems boring or undesirable. I must take each bite with whatever is in it and chew/swallow all of it. Just so, Lord help me to ultimately seek YOU, ALL OF YOU, and allow you to work in my heart for my good and your glory. Help me not waste parts of who you want me to be by not choosing to deal with my heart, my sins. Don't let me look only for the "pleasant" blessings, but help me to see your sanctification process, your Spirit's conviction, my times of suffering...as good and desirable blessings as well.
I'll leave this little probably-a-far-stretch-analogy with a really good quote:
"We prevent God from giving us the great spiritual gifts He has in store for us, because we do not give thanks for daily gifts. We think we dare not be satisfied with the small measure of spiritual knowledge, experience, and love that has been given to us, and that we must constantly be looking forward eagerly for the highest good. Then we deplore the fact that we lack the deep certainty, the strong faith, and the rich experience that God has given to others, and we consider this lament to be pious. We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and yet really not small) gifts." -Bonhoeffer
Picking out and eating every single yogurt covered cheerio in the box, picking out all the M&M's or chocolate pieces from trail mix, eating muffin tops and then picking the blueberries out of the rest of the muffin leaving a sad heap of crumbs (that I may or may not come back to), eating only the parts of the chocolate chip cookie that has chips in it, biting holes in raisin bagels where the raisins are and leaving the rest, eating the cookie dough out of the ice cream, taking bites out of truffles to see if I like them (from the bottom of course), and....well...you get the picture. Oh...well...one more thing...Katie (my sister) will never forgive me for sucking out all the creme from a whole bag of caramel cremes (bullseyes), and leaving the chewed up/spit out caramel in a lovely caramel sculpture on her bookshelf. I meant to remove it before she saw, but that's besides the point....
Sooooo where am I going with all this? Believe it or not, but I am about to use my food and gross habits in eating my food, to make an observation about myself.
Wait for itttttt, wait for itttttt!!
I think that I like to approach my life and how I grow in a rather "pick and choose" way. I like what's tastiest and easy, and like to leave behind or "get to the rest later" whatever is hard. In terms of something that I have to do (such as when I had schoolwork due or deadlines that I couldn't escape) I will get the hard done with so I can enjoy the "fun"...but when it comes to my heart. Woah. Me dealing with my heart can sometimes look like a bombed up half gallon of cookie dough ice cream. I like to dive in and deal with what is the easiest to manage and will taste good. But, there are issues I need to deal with in my heart that get left behind like the sorry vanilla ice cream with the meager amounts of chocolate chips. Like so:
Example of this:
I'll pursue confessing general "easy" confessions that everyone deals with: The token confessions of pride. selfishness. impatience. etc. It's not that hard to tell people in a general sense what your sins are and ask for prayer. But heaven forbid, I be challenged to take those confessed traits and actually dig deeper into how they are affecting other people. How I am nurturing my idol of self by acting out sinfully, confessing it but not being humble enough or open hearted enough to actually kill sin and grow! Here's the thing. Choosing to eat the body and drink the blood of Christ leaves no option for buffets! I cannot be fully washed in His blood but only choose the parts of life that are pleasant. I can't only live like half of a new creation, for when Christ says He makes us into a new creation, He says the old is passed away (2 Cor. 5:17). There is no partaking in the easy parts of life, the blessings from the bless-er, and refusing to eat what is less pleasant (killing the flesh, dealing with "hard"). If I am to walk with Christ in my life, I need to take up my cross. I need to allow Christ into all of my life and heart, so that my new self can be continually sanctified. I must not waste a half gallon of cookie dough ice cream just b/c I am only craving cookie dough, and vanilla ice cream seems boring or undesirable. I must take each bite with whatever is in it and chew/swallow all of it. Just so, Lord help me to ultimately seek YOU, ALL OF YOU, and allow you to work in my heart for my good and your glory. Help me not waste parts of who you want me to be by not choosing to deal with my heart, my sins. Don't let me look only for the "pleasant" blessings, but help me to see your sanctification process, your Spirit's conviction, my times of suffering...as good and desirable blessings as well.
I'll leave this little probably-a-far-stretch-analogy with a really good quote:
"We prevent God from giving us the great spiritual gifts He has in store for us, because we do not give thanks for daily gifts. We think we dare not be satisfied with the small measure of spiritual knowledge, experience, and love that has been given to us, and that we must constantly be looking forward eagerly for the highest good. Then we deplore the fact that we lack the deep certainty, the strong faith, and the rich experience that God has given to others, and we consider this lament to be pious. We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and yet really not small) gifts." -Bonhoeffer
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