I'm convicted. I'm a taker.
Ok, so when we pursue a relationship with someone, what is our motive? Be honest. I have been real with myself and it isn't pretty. Do we want to feel liked? approved of? Popular? Fulfilled? Not alone? Known? Are we trying to "escape" something?"
What happens when there is bitterness that comes into a relationship? Why does this happen? Is it because we had expectations from that relationship, and the person failed you or hurt you in some way? Disappointed because they didn't fill one of relational voids you were trying to fill?
Basically, are you a relational taker? So often, I am. The Lord is convicting me.
So. We all have cravings, right? I'm not talking about those for ice cream, pizza, chocolate, etc (although those are totally legit!). I'm talking about cravings of the flesh. One of mine is to be known and understood. To be approved of. Especially by those I care about most. I mean, who doesn't want this!? And who doesn't want fellowship and genuine relationships?
The Lord gifts us with relationships. As believers in Christ, as part of his body, we have a connection no matter how different we are from each other in personality, interest, or season of life. We are so connected to those in the body, that we Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15). We love each other, pray for each other, and edify each other. Lift each other up, encourage and challenge our brothers and sisters.
But stop. How often do we actually love someone because we know and understand Christ's love for us and our love pours out onto other people selflessly? AKA, Love with no expectations of return? Matthew 10:8 tells us: "You received without paying; give without pay" Are we willing to love someone even when we know it won't be returned?
Let's be real here. The GOSPEL. Christ died for all of us, an innocent and perfect man, the only Son of God, so that we might have an eternal relationship with God, our creator! Christ took what we deserved, yet we spit in His face every day, multiple times. Christ says "I love you still." The worst part is, we hurt God, sovereign above all things and feel far less shame or sorrow about it than we do when we hurt our fellow man. Why? Could it be because we take God's grace for granted? We don't have to earn God's grace, but with people and relationships, we think we have to "give a little so we can get a little"...
If we look at love in the light of "well, I need love, so I will do everything I can to win people's affections and approval so hopefully they'll love me back," then we are missing what love is. We are takers. We want desperately to be part of community where love exists, and we grab, reach, take, and set our hope in fallen people, expecting them to deliver perfect love. We replace Christ with relationships (idolatry).
IDENTITY AND PURPOSE:
If we claim Christ as our Savior, we put our hope in God's purpose and live with an eternal mindset. John 6:40: "For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.”
We have eternal life with the Father. We have never ending love. NOTHING can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:38). So why do we try to fill our cravings with everything that doesn't fulfill?? Michael Horton says this: "Our sense of purpose as individuals and as a church depends largely on how clearly we grasp certain truths about who God is, who we are, and what God's plan for history involves." If we live in the purpose of the Father, which is to know and follow God the Father through Christ, then we will experience true love. Our cravings for being known, loved, accepted....can be filled in Christ!
To fellow takers, take note! (Yes, this is one thing I'm asking you to take, hah) "And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever."1 John 2:17 Hope in and be encouraged in this! Let it drive our relationships.
If we grasp our identity in Christ, know His purpose for our lives, then we are in the place where we should naturally be overflowing love to other people. We will have correctly motivated relationships. Of course, until the day we are redeemed, and are with Christ, we will continue to sin, give into our fleshly cravings. SO...if we want to be intentional givers, not takers, if we want to be authentic lovers, and not pleasers, what can we do?
PRAY. pray pray pray pray pray pray prayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! yup. Pray. Intercede for people routinely, and trust that the Lord will do His will and hear your prayer. Bonhoeffer says this about intercessory prayer: it "means no more than to bring our brother into the presence of God, to see him under the cross of Jesus as a poor human being and sinner in need of grace"...
We are all sinners in need of grace. This answers the question about what to do when bitterness and disappointment comes into a relationship. Intercede on their behalf, not asking for God to show them their wrong, but to pour out His grace on them. He will do this. And let me tell you, people....when you are in prayer for someone, there is no way, no matter how hard you might even try, to hold onto any anger, bitterness or disappointment at/in them. Because, when you see them as you are, a sinner in need of grace, and you trust God's purpose for their lives, you are filled with love for them. Christ love. And, let me tell you, it is a glorious freedom. I have had many occasions in which I was freed from the bondage of disappointment, hurt or anger towards someone when I just interceded on their behalf.
I challenge you to look at reasons you are feeling unfulfilled in your relationships, and explore your motivations and intentions for your relationships. It can seem hard, or we may not feel like it, but worth it! Pray for people regularly. Bonhoeffer says (yes, lots from the Bonhoeffer dude): "To deny prayer for a person is to deny the service of a Christian."
boom.
1 John 4:19: "We love because he first loved us"
Preach it sista. :)
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