"But Daddy, I want it Noooooowwwww!!" whines Veruca Salt throughout the Willy Wonka movie. So obnoxious. So annoying. So much wanting you to find your duct tape and slap it across her mouth. Ugh.
But wait. Isn't that annoying display a sign of discontentment? Impatience? Aren't I often struggling with discontentment and impatience? I think Veruca was spoiled too, but I am not quite able to call myself that. ;)
Anyway. Patience. I struggle to maintain it. When I see something that needs to be done, or that could be done...I just want to do it. If there is an event that I want to take place...it needs to be as soon as possible. Sometimes, if I have a task in front of me, I literally can't "rest"...or choose not to...until it is accomplished. I was the kid who always got her new textbooks and instead of taking each day and lesson in order, in it's time...I'd immediately open the book and flip through to the end and see how "hard" the lessons got. If it looked confusing (which, usually you work your way up in levels so of course it usually looked confusing) I would feel a sense of dread of getting there, yet be driven to get there as fast as possible to "get it over with." Ok, go ahead and say it. You can call me type A++ ...and a perfectionist.
Granted, I have definitely gotten better with that as the years have gone on. In college, I had to let some things come on their natural time because I could barely keep up with the daily work. But, I still have the same attitude of "I just want to get it over with" if it is something hard, or "I want to do this now because I know it's coming eventually so why wait??" Not only am I impatient, but I think it goes a bit deeper...to discontentment.
Is it great to have a vision and be preparing for the future? Yes. Is it ok to work hard and get things done? Yes, definitely! What I think is wrong, is when something becomes all consuming and urgent and causes the rest of life to fall behind it until it is accomplished; When I am unable to rest and wait and look at what is going on in the "now."
Breath. Pray. Worship. Listen.
I want to do all of this. But, when I am not resting contentedly, and looking to be intentionally present, it makes it almost impossible to breath, pray, worship, listen.
Now, maybe some of you reading this cannot relate at ALL. My wiring could be the exact opposite of your wiring. Maybe you sit back and just don't want to think about the next. chill, ya mon...but either way...whatever our wiring is...we all need to learn how to be content. For those who love the Lord, it's being content in HIM. HE is more than enough for us. He is in short:
-Our equipper
-Our Maker
-Our lover
-Our healer
-Our helper
-Our provider
-Our beginning
-Our End
-Our LOVE
-Our satisfaction
-Our joy
-Our grace
-Our pursuit
-Our desire
-Our perfect example
-Our mover
-Our promise
-Our everything.
I am so thrilled to be where I am at in life right now. I look back and I see an insecure and shy middle schooler/high schooler. A college student who didn't know who she was. A broken women who thought she was completely self-sufficient in her independence after college. A striving student and working woman with much pride. I see a girl who went from secretly liking boys to then in college feeling free to voice liking guys...and always wanting to be "liked." Pursued. A girl who went through a stage where she lost hope in ever having a man love her with the love of Christ, and therefore believed she would never marry. A woman who when she did get married, dreaded having children. Who didn't quite grasp grace like she thought she did.
During all these different seasons, I did run to the Lord many times, but over all, I reallyyyyy wrestled with being content with and in him and him alone. It was always the looking ahead that seemed to kill my ability to rejoice no matter the season. Granted, I had times where the Spirit was really working and I truly felt in love with the Lord and that He was all I needed but...this was not the majority of time. When I took at all the little goals and pursue them with all that I have, and forget about the one TRUE joy set before us (Christ) I bog myself down in anxiety, striving, failure, discouragement, hopelessness and self-centered-ness.
When I look back at who I was and where I am now...I see God's hand working in my life. I see Him proving to me over and OVER again His goodness. Himself. He is teaching me to stop. rest. wait. seek. find. love. know.
Thinking about the truth of: "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." -Matthew 7:7
This is what I see now:
I see a woman who is more aware of her sin than ever before...and therefore more aware for her desperate need for God's grace than ever before. I see a woman who has been freed from the bondage of self imposed legalism. Who is quite tired of being a people pleaser and striving to please the Lord alone...and in that striving, growing increasingly confident of her identity in Him. Who has been blessed with a husband who does love her with Christ's love and shows her daily more of what that love looks like/means. A woman who once dreaded children, but is now blessed immeasurably with a beautiful son (who came about from a gracious heart-change from the Lord) and another child on the way (which was planned!). I see a woman who walks around far more secure and trusting and expectant of God to provide and reveal. I see an imperfect wreck of a woman who has been redeemed. I see a child of God who was chosen and loved before she ever chose and loved God. I see....
GRACE. PATIENCE. NEVER-GIVE-UP-LOVE from a PERFECT FATHER.
I am so beyond thankful. I am aware of my sins and natural bents...and I am grateful for second, third, fourth...and on and on...chances. In my impatience and discontentment, He is teaching me HIMSELF. GOD is my striving. Here is my conclusion:
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."
But wait. Isn't that annoying display a sign of discontentment? Impatience? Aren't I often struggling with discontentment and impatience? I think Veruca was spoiled too, but I am not quite able to call myself that. ;)
Anyway. Patience. I struggle to maintain it. When I see something that needs to be done, or that could be done...I just want to do it. If there is an event that I want to take place...it needs to be as soon as possible. Sometimes, if I have a task in front of me, I literally can't "rest"...or choose not to...until it is accomplished. I was the kid who always got her new textbooks and instead of taking each day and lesson in order, in it's time...I'd immediately open the book and flip through to the end and see how "hard" the lessons got. If it looked confusing (which, usually you work your way up in levels so of course it usually looked confusing) I would feel a sense of dread of getting there, yet be driven to get there as fast as possible to "get it over with." Ok, go ahead and say it. You can call me type A++ ...and a perfectionist.
Granted, I have definitely gotten better with that as the years have gone on. In college, I had to let some things come on their natural time because I could barely keep up with the daily work. But, I still have the same attitude of "I just want to get it over with" if it is something hard, or "I want to do this now because I know it's coming eventually so why wait??" Not only am I impatient, but I think it goes a bit deeper...to discontentment.
Is it great to have a vision and be preparing for the future? Yes. Is it ok to work hard and get things done? Yes, definitely! What I think is wrong, is when something becomes all consuming and urgent and causes the rest of life to fall behind it until it is accomplished; When I am unable to rest and wait and look at what is going on in the "now."
Breath. Pray. Worship. Listen.
I want to do all of this. But, when I am not resting contentedly, and looking to be intentionally present, it makes it almost impossible to breath, pray, worship, listen.
Now, maybe some of you reading this cannot relate at ALL. My wiring could be the exact opposite of your wiring. Maybe you sit back and just don't want to think about the next. chill, ya mon...but either way...whatever our wiring is...we all need to learn how to be content. For those who love the Lord, it's being content in HIM. HE is more than enough for us. He is in short:
-Our equipper
-Our Maker
-Our lover
-Our healer
-Our helper
-Our provider
-Our beginning
-Our End
-Our LOVE
-Our satisfaction
-Our joy
-Our grace
-Our pursuit
-Our desire
-Our perfect example
-Our mover
-Our promise
-Our everything.
I am so thrilled to be where I am at in life right now. I look back and I see an insecure and shy middle schooler/high schooler. A college student who didn't know who she was. A broken women who thought she was completely self-sufficient in her independence after college. A striving student and working woman with much pride. I see a girl who went from secretly liking boys to then in college feeling free to voice liking guys...and always wanting to be "liked." Pursued. A girl who went through a stage where she lost hope in ever having a man love her with the love of Christ, and therefore believed she would never marry. A woman who when she did get married, dreaded having children. Who didn't quite grasp grace like she thought she did.
During all these different seasons, I did run to the Lord many times, but over all, I reallyyyyy wrestled with being content with and in him and him alone. It was always the looking ahead that seemed to kill my ability to rejoice no matter the season. Granted, I had times where the Spirit was really working and I truly felt in love with the Lord and that He was all I needed but...this was not the majority of time. When I took at all the little goals and pursue them with all that I have, and forget about the one TRUE joy set before us (Christ) I bog myself down in anxiety, striving, failure, discouragement, hopelessness and self-centered-ness.
When I look back at who I was and where I am now...I see God's hand working in my life. I see Him proving to me over and OVER again His goodness. Himself. He is teaching me to stop. rest. wait. seek. find. love. know.
Thinking about the truth of: "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." -Matthew 7:7
This is what I see now:
I see a woman who is more aware of her sin than ever before...and therefore more aware for her desperate need for God's grace than ever before. I see a woman who has been freed from the bondage of self imposed legalism. Who is quite tired of being a people pleaser and striving to please the Lord alone...and in that striving, growing increasingly confident of her identity in Him. Who has been blessed with a husband who does love her with Christ's love and shows her daily more of what that love looks like/means. A woman who once dreaded children, but is now blessed immeasurably with a beautiful son (who came about from a gracious heart-change from the Lord) and another child on the way (which was planned!). I see a woman who walks around far more secure and trusting and expectant of God to provide and reveal. I see an imperfect wreck of a woman who has been redeemed. I see a child of God who was chosen and loved before she ever chose and loved God. I see....
GRACE. PATIENCE. NEVER-GIVE-UP-LOVE from a PERFECT FATHER.
I am so beyond thankful. I am aware of my sins and natural bents...and I am grateful for second, third, fourth...and on and on...chances. In my impatience and discontentment, He is teaching me HIMSELF. GOD is my striving. Here is my conclusion:
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."
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