BigFatOofta

No, I don’t want to listen to the grating “I am a friend of God” ….I don’t want to say everything will be ok. I just want to sit and bask in my glorified defeat. I have seen and tasted the bitter reality that we are depraved, alone, attacked, lost. It is with little effort that I grab hold of the frayed rope to pull slowly out of the mire...my misery is now my identity.  My shortcomings are almost comfortable...definitely acceptable.  My stiff upper lip feigns trust in God... How do we sink so low? How do we become entrapped so ruthlessly in the deceit that comes from the father of lies? For those left who feel the gentleness of the Spirit’s strength, flowing quietly as a stream….how many will fight the temptations and deceit that cause that stream to dry up into a barren wasteland? ….where hope has become a mocking echo of something lost. God is constant. He never pulls away. When we find ourselves in the middle of hopelessness, sin and defeat, it is because we ...

So. My car got stolen last weekend. Or maybe it just up and drove itself away.  Either way, I walked out to go to the store with my friend Krystal (she and her daughter were over visiting!) and I had the weird and heart-sinking moment of "umm...where's my car?" I thought that surely, I was just being a tired mom and was having trouble seeing correctly.  Or maybe, in a moment of "Sarah's lost in her own world again" I had parked the car in a different spot.  Neeeeeoooo.  Not so much.  There were three cars in the lot and none of them were mine.  Long story short, someone had to have hot wired my car and drove off.  I really wish that I could have been there to watch him/her get in the car without keys.  And I really wish I could have been in  the thief's head when he thought it'd be a great idea to choose the car with all the baby paraphernalia in it.  Or, when the car turned on, was he sufficiently awakened by the old school "Cree...

IF YOU CAN'T BEAT IT... Serve it. ....give daily to it.  Be a slave. What is "it?"  I'm referring to the lengths we women go to "beat" out other threats to our security in our man.  The fear we let live in us, that we will "lose" our man's appreciation for our beauty to someone/thing else.  The efforts we make to control how much he sees of the world, keep him from temptations.  The self-sabotaging questions we ask our man, because we don't trust his love for us. As much as I could continue to write "we women" here, (the whole reason I am about to write on this topic is because of the saddening enormity of women I see struggling along with me) I am just going to be vulnerable and write about what I've personally been walking through.  Ever since being married, I have been fighting enslavement to fear . Fear of loss.  Boiled down, idolatry of self and a lack of understanding in the power of the Gospel and the work of...

I wrote this about 2 years ago, but I'm finding myself in a similar place and wanted to "re-share"...I've been really wrestling with a lot of issues, sins and hurts that I've had buried WAY beneath the surface, and as I've been married, they've been bubbling out.  I have had to deal with everything, as when you are joined with someone as one, you can't really "escape."  As the Lord is stripping me lies I've believe, sins I've avoided and idols I've been clutching...I've been exhausted but...HEALING.  Growing.  I am both loving and *trying* to not resist the Lord's work.  This all being said...now... STRIPPED NAKED I am found cold, shaking My feet lift one by one off the shivering ground. I need that ring, please! It will show my accomplishments the world must know. You took my last comfort, why? I wanted that purse to carry my insecurities in. You destroyed my shoes! The world awa...

I'm convicted. I'm a taker.   Ok, so when we pursue a relationship with someone, what is our motive?  Be honest.  I have been real with myself and it isn't pretty.  Do we want to feel liked? approved of? Popular?  Fulfilled?  Not alone? Known?  Are we trying to "escape" something?"  What happens when there is bitterness that comes into a relationship?  Why does this happen? Is it because we had expectations from that relationship, and the person failed you or hurt you in some way?  Disappointed because they didn't fill one of relational voids you were trying to fill?  Basically, are you a relational taker?  So often, I am. The Lord is convicting me.  So. We all have cravings, right?  I'm not talking about those for ice cream, pizza, chocolate, etc (although those are totally legit!).  I'm talking about cravings of the flesh.  One of mine is to be known and understood.  To be approv...

Shame ... all the way back to the garden, the sin of Adam and Eve originated shame. This shame was legitimate in the sense that Adam and Eve had grieved the Holy Spirit. He was tugging at their hearts, allowing them to experience remorse for the first time, the consequence of sin, separator between God and man.  However, because sin entered the world, we are faced with the temptation to take on another brand of shame.   Gospel-less shame. Gospel-less shame is a pit where no grace is present; it is from the great deceiver, the serpent who would have us always hoping in personal expectations or expectations from others...anything but Christ and the Gospel.  The deceiver's shame will mountain over us, and cast on us a shadow of failure and hopelessness when the expectations are not met...a weighty, relentless burden.   Caution :   If we are feeling hopeless, defeated, overwhelmed and guilty at our own failures and give up on oth...

I love our apartment. I love burning candles. I love cleaning my son's ears because it's actually productive...I've always had wax envy.  Call me gross.   Bumbo's are awesome for babies, helping them to sit by themselves, etc.  But, what happens when our babies' fat legs outgrow them but us mommas still want to use them?  why oh WHY, can't they invent....wait for ittttt...the "JUMBO BUMBO!?" I hate clumpy mascara.  I mean, who wants to walk around looking like they have clumps of tar on their lashes?  Not this girl.  My brain feels like goulash....how in tarnation do you spell that anyway ?  and my head feels like lead....my eyes are starting to droop...yet my feet still feel like dancin!   I want thoughts to flow from my brain to my fingers.  Fingers...Mmmmm wish i had some right now...of the chicken sort.  With BBQ sauce.  Remembering the time when we were "just friends" that Jos...