BigFatOofta

disappointment.     it comes in varying degrees.   i'm pretty sure we are all familiar with the many shades of disappointment's appearance.   here are just a few ways that I've experienced disappointment lately: -target was having a sale on Starbucks but they were out of the kind i wanted.  -i want this blog to have good punctuation but my "a" key and my shift key are sticking or not working well...and then, I had a fleeting thought of disappointment that getting a new computer is not an option right now. -ligament issues from pregnancy that I've been asking God to keep away have been starting...early. -wondering why God hasn't healed my teeth.  -hubs has a meeting tomorrow I wasn't planning on. -I sinned again in an area i'm so desperately trying to grow in. -exhausted but unable to sleep well at night.  -disappointed that i have a son that is going to have to "notice" at an early age all the "sex" that is ever...

"But Daddy, I want it Noooooowwwww!!"  whines Veruca Salt throughout the Willy Wonka movie.  So obnoxious. So annoying.  So much wanting you to find your duct tape and slap it across her mouth.  Ugh.  But wait.  Isn't that annoying display a sign of discontentment?  Impatience?  Aren't I often struggling with discontentment and impatience?  I think Veruca was spoiled too, but I am not quite able to call myself that.  ;)  Anyway.  Patience.  I struggle to maintain it.  When I see something that needs to be done, or that could be done...I just want to do it.  If there is an event that I want to take place...it needs to be as soon as possible.  Sometimes, if I have a task in front of me, I literally can't "rest"...or choose not to...until it is accomplished. I was the kid who always got her new textbooks and instead of taking each day and lesson in order, in it's time...I'd immediately open the book and...

Raise your hand if you struggle with being corrected...if you take teaching and correction as pain and hurt instead of love?  If you feel defenses rising up inside of you if you feel your heart has been misunderstood...If you hear "I want to lead you to Christ" as "I want to fix you"....If you don't feel secure enough in your identity to trust a person you care about's love for you...If you crave affirmation and praise to the unhealthy level of if you don't get it, you feel undesirable...unlovable...If you are so busy trying to "feel" care from others that you step all over and refuse to care for/give grace to the person you are trying to feel the care from. Me.  Pick me.  My hand is raised high.  Both hands actually.   You know, it's amazing when you finally stop long enough to have a conversation with God, and humble yourself before him, how much easier it is to love and be loved.  Care and receive care. Understand and be understo...

I wish I could call this post "Monday Musings" because that sounds a whole lot better than "Wednesday Musings."  Hmm.  Well, I guess I'll just call it something entirely different...to be determined at the end of this post.  Came across Genesis 32:12 yesterday...and have been thinking about it since.   "And you said, 'I will surely do you good.'"   Everything about God is good.  Everything that happens that is "bad" in our lives, is just "hard."  The enemy intends  things for bad, but the Lord uses things for good (Rom. 8:28).  God can only be good, do us good, be our  good and...here's the kicker.   Nothing we do can earn His goodness.  God in His kindness desires good for his children.  Psalm 84:11 says: " For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withold from those who walk uprightly."   Walking uprightly.  We can't do that on our own, (therefor...

Marriage.  I've been reflecting on my love for my amazing husband today... We have so much fun together, share so much love, and are so incredibly  suited for each other.  But...there comes with that being sinful human beings coming together and learning how to better love the other.  How to care for the other in a way that is received (unique to each person) as love.  Marriage, as wonderful as it is, is a fight.   Fight to love Christ most and die to self.  Fight to love selflessly and humbly and generously.  Fight with grace.  Fight with surrender, ultimately, of the other person to our Lord.   I wrote this song for Joshua recently as we have been working through some deep heart issues...and to me it is the crux of how I can best love my man.  If I want to love him best, I need to surrender him to the one who is perfect.  The true ultimate lover.  I'll share it with you all...  Its called:  GIVE YOU ...

"Find rest, oh my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God' He is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Ps. 62: 5-8 Father God,  You are my rest, my portion.  I am tempted to sit in my feelings.  Feelings of being downcast. Tired. Hungry with the unmet demands of my cravings. Hopeless. I want to just wallow in melancholy.  But I won't.  YOU are my hope, you are my fortress.   You are my help in trouble.   You lift me up out of the mire.   You restore the joy of my salvation.  Thank you for Jesus .  Help me fix my heart on you, Jesus. Your love, your delight and your great sacrifice for me, my soul.   Do not let me put my feelings and what seems to be so real and hard, above what I know of you, of truth.   I have few ...

So. I did something stupid.  Something that I thought I'd never do.  Something that really shouldn't be a big deal, but turned out to be one for me. Something that i regret very very  much. I dyed my hair.  Now...already, some of you might be reading this and thinking "drama queen."  Yes.  That is quite accurate and fair.  i have been just that. *pause*.  i am going to type no caps from now on b/c israel messed with the shift key and it is a lot of work for me to press it and i like to type fast when i'm in a rant-like-thingie. ;) anyway. back to drama queen.  let me tell you why i was am so bugged.  i wanted to just lighten my hair up a bit since i have been an albino mom all summer and hadn't gotten any natural sun highlighting like i usually do.  i also didn't want to pay the outrageous price for a professional highlight job.  sooooo on a really huge impulse i went to buy a box of dye from the store.  my firs...