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i'm dye-ing here.



So.
I did something stupid.  Something that I thought I'd never do.  Something that really shouldn't be a big deal, but turned out to be one for me. Something that i regret very very much.

I dyed my hair.  Now...already, some of you might be reading this and thinking "drama queen."  Yes.  That is quite accurate and fair.  i have been just that.

 *pause*.  i am going to type no caps from now on b/c israel messed with the shift key and it is a lot of work for me to press it and i like to type fast when i'm in a rant-like-thingie. ;)

 anyway. back to drama queen.  let me tell you why i was am so bugged.  i wanted to just lighten my hair up a bit since i have been an albino mom all summer and hadn't gotten any natural sun highlighting like i usually do.  i also didn't want to pay the outrageous price for a professional highlight job.  sooooo on a really huge impulse i went to buy a box of dye from the store.  my first warning flag should have been the price.  if i really really had thought about it...would i have believed that a box of dye costing approximately $8.67 would do for me what a professional highlight job would do for $32343283743209349384 dollars?  Also, i didn't listen to the advice of a friend who suggested semi permanent hair color and bought permanent....actually, no, not just permanent, but "fade defying" color.  I tried a small section of hair before doing my whole head as a test, but somehow didn't mix the solution well, and got what looked like "no change at all" so i said..."what the heck, i'll just use it up see if i get anything..."  well.  i got something.  i got a head of slightly lighter blond, but with the glorious twist of YELLOW WITH A SLIGHT BRASSY HUE.  i never have, never will, be a fan of this hue when it comes to my hair.  maybe a wall paint color for my kitchen, or a fun scarf, but...please, no, not my hair.  on top of that, after a few days of "setting in" it lightened up even more and i can see where when the hair grows in it will definitely show my darker roots of the amazing gift of natural hair that i once had.  and will have to wait years for to have back completely.  years.  the absolute worst part of it is that i was hoping i'd do something to hair  joshua already liked and make it better.  instead, i went from good hair to "it's fine...it's not that bad" (which he later confirmed to me by singing "Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, And everything you do, yeah, they were all yellow..." by Coldplay.  thanks, my love.  just...thanks.  ;) 

 have i been drama queen enough yet?  i think so.  i definitely spent the day huffing and puffing around yesterday every time i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror or thought about it.  i spent time daydreaming and wishing it were cold enough to wear beanie caps all day long in the house.  i thought about not telling anyone i'd done this and hope they didn't notice.  but instead, strangely enough...i wound up sitting down and blogging about it.  yup. why?  WHY?  whyyyyyyy??????? 

 Because.  to sum it all up....i am a very vain and prideful person and i need to call it out.  not to mention ridiculous and ashamed b/c normally i pride myself in being pretty even tempered...which is a problem too b/c i just used the phrase "pride myself"....ugh!!!  someone help me??

 anyway.  soooo what is the spiritual lesson i can take from this?  besides the fact that my identity is not my hair?  let's see.  that beauty is more than a botched up head of hair.  that joshua may have liked my old hair better, but he still is attracted to me and is more concerned about me having a beautiful heart...and i hardly would call me huffing and puffing and spouting out frustration whilst walking through target with him a beautiful heart.  that my hair will grow back and maybe i will think twice about my motivations for dying my hair in the first place.  that my identity will be so rooted in Christ, that i can walk around boldly proclaiming his name, even with yellow hair.  and finally, (i think this can fit in the spiritual application category?) next time i will reconsider making such a decision without first asking my husband's opinion/input...b/c he could have told me i was just being a vain-head.  Now, sadly, i must be a vain-yellow-head who (also sadly), has been able to connect with her inner hidden drama queen.  yesssssss.

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