BigFatOofta

"Find rest, oh my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God' He is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Ps. 62: 5-8 Father God,  You are my rest, my portion.  I am tempted to sit in my feelings.  Feelings of being downcast. Tired. Hungry with the unmet demands of my cravings. Hopeless. I want to just wallow in melancholy.  But I won't.  YOU are my hope, you are my fortress.   You are my help in trouble.   You lift me up out of the mire.   You restore the joy of my salvation.  Thank you for Jesus .  Help me fix my heart on you, Jesus. Your love, your delight and your great sacrifice for me, my soul.   Do not let me put my feelings and what seems to be so real and hard, above what I know of you, of truth.   I have few ...

So. I did something stupid.  Something that I thought I'd never do.  Something that really shouldn't be a big deal, but turned out to be one for me. Something that i regret very very  much. I dyed my hair.  Now...already, some of you might be reading this and thinking "drama queen."  Yes.  That is quite accurate and fair.  i have been just that. *pause*.  i am going to type no caps from now on b/c israel messed with the shift key and it is a lot of work for me to press it and i like to type fast when i'm in a rant-like-thingie. ;) anyway. back to drama queen.  let me tell you why i was am so bugged.  i wanted to just lighten my hair up a bit since i have been an albino mom all summer and hadn't gotten any natural sun highlighting like i usually do.  i also didn't want to pay the outrageous price for a professional highlight job.  sooooo on a really huge impulse i went to buy a box of dye from the store.  my firs...

So, in all honesty, I have had some mommy woes on and off since, well...being a mommy.  I have never been passionate about babies/kids and have always just said "we'll cross that bridge when it comes."  Welp, it has come.  And I have a beautiful baby boy. :) Let me just give you a little picture of some of the mild "woes" I have had in adjusting to my "never-used-to-be-passionate-about-but-now-I-have-to-be" role. I won't talk about the typical difficulties that I am sure all moms have...you know, like loss of sleep, dietary issues, teething, etc.  More so, just little "funny" things that throughout the day, you just say, "really?   really?! to, and then laugh (you know, the sarcastic-ish "well, it's better to laugh than cry).* For instance, figuring out what sort of solid foods to feed little man.  He is like his *cough* momma in that when he finds something he likes he gets stuck on it.   First, it was sweet potato...

SIN Rebellion . Satan's twisted version of what God made good.  Beauty out of context. Love for self, love of flesh instead of love for God. Desires of the flesh calling out... False promises. Misery. Loneliness. Grief. Destruction. Momentary fun. Eternal misery. Defeat. Despair. Bondage. Vomit. Blood. Grasping. Falling. Hate. Anger. Punishment. Pride. Fall. Bitterness. Jealousy. Efforts. Failure. Passions. Lust. Greed. Abuse. Hopelessness. DEAD. FLESH.   Rotten, stinking flesh.  Like a pig dressed up for a ball, a ring in our snout, we go out and make our debuts, are traced by our trail of mud, and thrown back into our pen of filth.  Jude 12-13: "These are hidden reefs at your love feasts as they feast with you without fear, shepherds feeding themselves; waterless clouds, swept along by winds; fruitless trees in late autumn, twice dead, uprooted; wild waves of the sea, casting up the foam of their own shame; wandering stars, for whom the gloom of utter darkne...

Today is Saturday. I want so desperately to blog, but I don't want to write a book, nor do I have anything specific to write about.  Just a bunch of thoughts buzzing around my head. Things like...I really really love the rapper KB that our friends Clint and Rachel introduced us to.  Some SOLID rappin' skillz there and the lyrics run deep.  The beat is also pretty rockin'...but...here's a question...is it wrong to "get down" to christian music in the privacy of your own home?  I almost feel sacrilegious...Or would it be worse to dance to secular music?  Please don't tell me not to dance at all....I'm bouncin' in my chair as I sit here typing just thinking about music... Also, as I sit here typing, I have been indulging in these: Although I have to say I wish there were actually the gelato that was once in the container, these ghirardelli chocolate chips (dark) are uh-mazing! I wish the month of September didn't look like...

No, I don’t want to listen to the grating “I am a friend of God” ….I don’t want to say everything will be ok. I just want to sit and bask in my glorified defeat. I have seen and tasted the bitter reality that we are depraved, alone, attacked, lost. It is with little effort that I grab hold of the frayed rope to pull slowly out of the mire...my misery is now my identity.  My shortcomings are almost comfortable...definitely acceptable.  My stiff upper lip feigns trust in God... How do we sink so low? How do we become entrapped so ruthlessly in the deceit that comes from the father of lies? For those left who feel the gentleness of the Spirit’s strength, flowing quietly as a stream….how many will fight the temptations and deceit that cause that stream to dry up into a barren wasteland? ….where hope has become a mocking echo of something lost. God is constant. He never pulls away. When we find ourselves in the middle of hopelessness, sin and defeat, it is because we ...

So. My car got stolen last weekend. Or maybe it just up and drove itself away.  Either way, I walked out to go to the store with my friend Krystal (she and her daughter were over visiting!) and I had the weird and heart-sinking moment of "umm...where's my car?" I thought that surely, I was just being a tired mom and was having trouble seeing correctly.  Or maybe, in a moment of "Sarah's lost in her own world again" I had parked the car in a different spot.  Neeeeeoooo.  Not so much.  There were three cars in the lot and none of them were mine.  Long story short, someone had to have hot wired my car and drove off.  I really wish that I could have been there to watch him/her get in the car without keys.  And I really wish I could have been in  the thief's head when he thought it'd be a great idea to choose the car with all the baby paraphernalia in it.  Or, when the car turned on, was he sufficiently awakened by the old school "Cree...