Woe. Woe. Woaaaahhh!

So, in all honesty, I have had some mommy woes on and off since, well...being a mommy.  I have never been passionate about babies/kids and have always just said "we'll cross that bridge when it comes."  Welp, it has come.  And I have a beautiful baby boy. :)

Let me just give you a little picture of some of the mild "woes" I have had in adjusting to my "never-used-to-be-passionate-about-but-now-I-have-to-be" role.

I won't talk about the typical difficulties that I am sure all moms have...you know, like loss of sleep, dietary issues, teething, etc.  More so, just little "funny" things that throughout the day, you just say, "really?  really?! to, and then laugh (you know, the sarcastic-ish "well, it's better to laugh than cry).*

For instance, figuring out what sort of solid foods to feed little man.  He is like his *cough* momma in that when he finds something he likes he gets stuck on it.   First, it was sweet potatoes. He couldn't get enough.  I was so happy he liked such healthy foodstuffs.  But then...dun dun duhhhnnn.  He decided he liked peas (I got a bag of organic frozen ones and cooked/pureed them).  Lots of peas.  Like...a pound of peas in less than 2 days.  WITH 4 nursings a day as well.  what?! This little marshmallow now will not touch my sweet potatoes.  He had one bite (after I decided we need to change things up) of the potatoes and gagged...downright almost threw up.  Turned his head away violently whenever I put the spoon to his mouth.  I felt like Napoleon dynamite..."Israel.  Eat the food.  Eat the FOOD!!"  Well...he didn't eat the food and Joshua and I have a huge ol' plateful of pureed sweet potatoes for dinner.  The kid missed out.

Then...there's that moment when I am wading through his mountains of toys, trying to put some semblance of order back to the room and I kick his talking rabbit toy. * From said rabbit comes a high pitched airy voice "I looooove youuuuu!"  Really rabbit?  You love me?  Quit being a poser, we all know you don't know me or my son, and you definitely don't love me.  So quit the empathetic crap (Yes, I feel better after that rant!).  *ahem*  Moving on...

What about the times you just really really need to dead head, and the only time that wish comes true is when you get knocked in the head with one of your son's toys in his flailing wrists?

Then...THEN...he learns that games are fun.  Games like...oh, you know...making a fuss until you give him a toy that he repeatedly throws on the floor (this is highly amusing stuff right here, ya know?!) so he can laugh his head off at the sheer joy in the activity.  I guess it's the way stuff bounces?  Anyway.  After picking up items for the 123987239847th time, I allow myself to count the "game" as my workout for the day.  Not really, but...seriously.  ;)

Oh.  And showering?  Showering is for the heart of steel.  Somehow, even when in the bathroom with me in his bumbo with toys...with me talking to him...the dreaded shower curtain closing him out to his momma is traumatic enough for an instant meltdown.  I betta scrub fast! Let's see...I shaved those five hairs yesterday on the right leg, so I should have time to shave my left leg's five hairs in the same area...hopefully it won't look too bad... I finish my shower, open the curtain and look at his tears and realize I could have showered in them.  Geez!

BUT THEN.  I know I have joked around with the "negatives"....(I parentheses negative because even the hard isn't always bad) I have been speaking of woes.  Woe.  Woe. Woe.  But...now let's talk about the WOAHHHH in my title.

I want to shout out all the amazing blessings of being a mom, particularly Israel's mom, that I never once dreamed of back in my "I'm not passionate about kids" days.  Blessings that make me just stare at my child in wonder at God's amazing hand; blessings that cause me to see sins revealed in my heart but then encourage me to grow; blessings that stir up a love in me that I didn't know I had; blessings that give me a better picture of the love that God the Father has towards us his children, esp. as I see Joshua be an amazing earthly father. SO...

-I love how I get to watch amazing developments of my child as he learns and grows, and then just melts me with his smile of accomplishment and delight in my praise
-I love how he nestles his head on my chest when he doesn't feel well
-I love seeing such a perfect mix, personality and looks, of Joshua and I.
-I love it when we go get him from his pack n' play in the morning and somehow he has gotten out of his swaddle cocoon and is sitting up with a huge HUGE smile.
-I love how first thing in the morning, if Joshua gets him out of bed, he is frantically looking for me, and when he finds me, smiles ensue along with eager noises to be fed
-I melt when I put him to bed and he holds my finger until he falls asleep
-I love when he says "ma-ma" even though I don't think he knows what it means yet
-I love how any...any good thing...that comes from parenting...any positive and loving response from my child...is only the grace of God.
-I love how unless I rely totally and completely on God's grace...I will be a complete fail mom (let's face it...mom's who once told their mother that their kids will never go to toy stores b/c toy stores are "annoying and stupid" need grace.  LOTS of grace (for the record, I was quite young when I might have said that).
-I love how somehow opportunities to die to self...are more present than ever before. I have seen how selfish I am and it is ugly.  But then, I get to grow!  :) 
-I love that I get to invest in him.  A soul.  I pray even now for the Lord to call his heart.

I have lots more loves and blessings, but for now I'm going to end with a quote...because this momma is tahhhrd.
From Jerry Bridges The Discipline of Grace: "God's work does not make our effort unnecessary, but rather makes it effective.  Paul did not say, 'Christ shows contentment through me.' Rather, he said, 'I have learned to be content through Him who gives me strength.'"

Therefore, I carry on in HIS strength.  Amen and amen.
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*Because I am overtired and slightly overwhelmed, I have to disclaim to you that everything I have said or am about to say is probably slightly over-dramatized and possibly ridiculous?  But...I want a laugh and this post is already making me laugh.

*I really really want to punch whoever invented such toys in the gut...gently.  Or at least refuse the toys as gifts.