I'm Not Stuck

Friends.  It's been a whirlwind.  We are now four weeks into having two children and it has been a ride. I am not going to lie...it's been hard.  Very hard.  But...also, very very good. Between pregnancy complications, adjusting to a 2 year old and an infant, trying to figure out how to do life...I have been overwhelmed.  Scared. Fatigued. Wrestling with my heart. Feeling...stuck. 

Also, I have been overwhelmed by God's goodness. Grace. Provision. Nearness.  

Here's the thing.  I am now a parent of two.  That comes with certain difficulties but it also comes with many opportunities and reasons to rejoice.  I have been reminding myself to "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again, I say rejoice"  (Phil 4:4).  That the "Steadfast love of the Lord never ceases and his mercies never come to an end" (Lam 3:22).  So.  I have my role and my blessed gift of children to parent, therefore, I am in this thing for keeps.  I don't have an option to not parent (well, I do but that would be a whole other problem!), but I do have the option to choose to find joy in my role OR to let myself be miserable.  I choose joy.  I don't just get the gift of joy thrown in my lap, however...I have to posture myself to "rejoice!"  I have all that I need to get in this posture.  I can ask God for wisdom every single time I am overwhelmed and at a loss how to parent my toddler who thinks diversion is a great tool, and receive it (James 1:5) ***Thanks, Karen (if you're reading) for sharing that verse! (And of course James 1 doesn't include the part about diversion...obviously). *** I also have the very greatest need I will ever have, met, and that is my salvation.  My sin, washed clean.  If I reflect on how little I deserve this forgiveness, and the totality of that which I've been given, it will give me much reason to rejoice.  I have what I know of God...that He is always good and always kind and full of grace.  He tells me not to worry about tomorrow as tomorrow has it's own worries (Matt 6), so I can't look ahead at tomorrow's grace.  I need to look at the grace that He promises to give in the current day.  So, when there has been noise and chaos and no ability to shower for 48 hours, and I have to take an entourage into the bathroom with me just to make my bladder gladder...I can ask the Lord to give me grace by way of patience, a supernatural ability to not have my ever loving nerves fried, and wisdom how to love my children well and at the same time...ENJOY it! 

Every time...seriously...every time...I have asked the Lord to give me grace and strength and joy in my day for what He has called me to do, He has faithfully answered.  So, if I have this wonderful source and provision, this way to find joy in what I wouldn't normally "enjoy," why don't I just ask for it all the time?!  Because, I'm a sinner.  I try to parent by myself.  I try to be the wise one, the capable one, the..(gag me) "supermom." 

I don't want to be anything "on my own."  Actually, it's when I try to be self-sufficient, and realize how hard it is, and how much I *feel* alone, I struggle with discouragement and wanting to feel sorry for myself...even give up.  I don't want to self-parent; rather, I want to parent along side of my Father God.  

So, for the rest of 2014, and, well...my life...here is what I want and pray: 
-For a hunger for the Word (already answering!)
-For me to be intentional to ask for help daily from my Father
-To be an encouragement to my husband and family and friends 
-That my joy would be sourced not out of circumstances, but rather of what I have in Christ. 
-That the mundane "non-enjoyable" tasks of being a mom (be honest, there are a lot of these) would be seen as nuggets of gold, used to build character. 
-For me to find rest in the Lord when life doesn't seem to offer a whole lot (at least at the present moment)
-To remember that my best offerings are but filthy rags without Christ.  
-To have a heart of thankfulness.  Deep thankfulness. 
-To honor God by being a faithful wife and mom. 
-To choose the freedom of joy when I feel stuck.