Am I safe yet? Kill the world! [A new mom's struggle with the comparison games]

.....ok ok.

So maybe my title is a bit extreme, but that's how I sometimes feel when it comes to my physical beauty slash security in my physical beauty. Today I am going to talk about what I think universally all women struggle with or at least think about at some point in their lives.  There are many little avenues our "logical" minds try to lead us through, and I am going to attempt to address these avenues.  With lightheartedness.  I like lightheartedness, and this is a heavy issue, so...we need some balance here, peeps. In my last blogpost I talked about security as an idol (feeling secure) and how confessing can seem to attack that security idol.  Wheeelllps....physical beauty, especially in this American culture, is yet another threat to that security idol.  I won't go at length about where my real security lies, b/c I did that in my last post. Anyway.

Moving forward.

Answer me this:  Be honest. Have you ever found any satisfaction when you express an insecurity about someone's beauty and then the person you are expressing that insecurity to says "oh don't worry, they have nothing on you! You're safe!?"  Or what about a feeling of relief when a person your significant other finds attractive is exposed as a fake (ie a movie star without makeup or...gasp...a model who actually has CELLULITE!  Mercy! "And her age....those boobs are totally fake, there's no way a fifty FIVE year old could have boobs like that...did you know she was fifty five by the way?? She must totally dye her hair..."  Or what about those commercials that expose photo shopping (such as the Dove beauty commercial)?  REMEMBER, those images are FAKE.  No one looks that perfect (sarcasm).

These are just a few of the little paths I find myself being tempted to take. It's like, I think that if I can just get rid of the threat of a woman more beautiful than I in my life, then I don't have to "worry" about "losing" my security in my husbands attraction to me.  If affirmed that I am far better looking than a girl I'd consider "competition" then I feel good...temporarily.  Until the next threat comes along.  Then what, huh?  Am I just going to kill the world?  There are ALWAYS going to be prettier women, hotter pictures in magazines (fake hotter, but whatever ;) ) life-size billboards with boobs and legs flying everywhere, and so on and so forth.  That brings me to this...how am I EVER supposed to be secure in my husbands love and attraction for me with all the temptations of "better" floating around?

TRUTH: My husband loves Christ most, therefore He loves me with the love of Christ, therefore He has a love that is committed and God-given and therefore, whatever his old standards of beauty are, are now changed to me...and ONLY me.  I AM THE BEAUTY STANDARD for my husband.  

saw-weeeeeeeettttttt!  I don't need to feel threatened by other women or temptations of "better" because I am what's best....to Joshua.  My identity is in the Lord, my worth and beauty are in the Lord, I am secure in the Lord for all eternity.  I sometimes have a hard time grasping (most times) that specific "preferences" that my husband had for different aspects of a woman before we met, that were different than what I have, are now no longer his preference. Then, (of course, ridiculously enough) I could go the route of..."well, you just like me best because you have to....if you could PICK, you'd pick your old preference."......NO!  no no no no NO!  That is not how it is.  I have to TRUST that my husband truly prefers me and that comes from trusting that He loves the Lord and is seeking to love me with the Lord's love.  And...if the Lord is the giver of perfect love, our only security, shouldn't we CRAVE and be satisfied and overjoyed that our husbands (or fiance or significant other) chose (and chooses everyday) US? That they choose to see us how the Lord wants them to see us?  That he entered into a covenant to be faithful in all ways till death do us part?

SIN.  Sin is what causes us to be derailed from what is a correct desire and viewpoint.  It isn't wrong if my husband is tempted by something "better" in a completely "meatagorized" (I just made that word up, yup I did) way, but if he fell to temptation, it wouldn't be because that person or image is actually better.  It is that he would be believing the lie that Satan tells us, that it is better.  That's what the enemy does.  He cloaks sin with beauty, he convinces us that we can be happier if we just reach out and taste the apple of "better."  In the end, that apple is poison to our souls.  It is the taste of death.

FEAR.  Fear is the bane of my existence but it is a very real dragon I need to slay.  Beautiful women and sexy images are not my dragons.  I need to be secure in who I am in the Lord, who my husband is in the Lord, and be seeking to find my worth in wayyyy more than physical beauty.  Is it wrong for me to enjoy and take someone's comparison of me vs. another person as a compliment?  Be thankful that my husband sees me as "better" than some other person or image?  No, I don't believe so.  As LONG as I don't become threatened if I am NOT better.  It wouldn't be right anyway for my husband to pick different aspects of me apart and compare to other people.  That would be totally (OH I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME THINK OF THE WORD I WANT, DANG IT BUT I KNOW WHAT I MEAN...SAME THING AS "meatagorize"....ugh i hate having a word on the tip of my tongue) and totally wrong.  My husband chooses me as best and that is what I should rest content in.  I can't fear sin, and fear the effects of sin.  I have to FIGHT fear, and prayer and the WORD (isn't this always the answer??) are my tools.

In summary, women, this is encouragement to not point out every flaw that you see in a woman on TV that secretly you think is beautiful and also secretly might wonder if your significant other thinks so too....in effort to "persuade" him or make him not find her as attractive.  Don't try to feel better that he "knows" that the sorry excuse for what is called "clothing" on the oil slimed, spray tanned  photo-shopped woman on a magazine cover is FAKE.  Who cares?  Go deeper! If his heart is in a good place, he will fight the temptation.  If his heart isn't in a good place...facts don't mean anything.  Fantasy does.  Sin is believing that tasting and engaging in a fantasy will satisfy us. PRAY for your man!  PRAY for your heart!  Pray that no matter what, you don't make your worth to be about your physical beauty.  That is just a cherry on the proverbial sundae!  Your man, when he loves Jesus will love you, and as he knows you more, you will find instead of getting bored and wanting "better" (which I think we've established that I put quotation marks on either side of better because it is indeed not really better) you will constantly be growing MORE beautiful, more exciting and MORE desirable to him.  Amen!

....I am blessed.

p.s. ...check out whatsherface from whatsitcalled...she's totalllllly fake.  ....
I kid, I kid.
p.p.s.  Please pardon my excessive use of parenthesis.  I apologize if I caused any confusion with them (I just have so much to say!) and made it harder for you to focus on what I have to say. blahtothejumbledandoverloadedmind!!!!