BigFatOofta

Psalm 66:17-18 :   "I cried to him with my mouth, and high praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened." This scripture verse is like a battering ram to my heart...in a good way.  See, here has been my problem: I have since becoming a new creation in Christ, a believer and one who is saved, known that I am called to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, strength and mind (Luke 10:27).  And, I have wanted to love him this way, OH how I have wanted to.  Prayed to.  But...while I have experienced and shown evidence of Luke 10, it hasn't been until now that I have found such depth of revelation and affection.   Here is my confession, the ugly truth:  -I often saw my sin as less than other people's sins.   I haven't ever seen my sin as that big a deal.  As that significant.  I have prayed only half-hearted and almost vague non-specific prayers about the Lord kill...

Mommies, Plow your field.  This title came to me when talking to my husband (via text message which you can see a blip of below) about how I just don't feel cut out to be a mom.  More days than not I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, clueless and inadequate.  "Well," Joshua said, "that just means there is more room for grace!"  More room for grace.  Yes.  Today I was tempted to melt down in a puddle of tears because I just felt stuck in a place of "I can't do this anymore, but I have to...they need  me."  I worked my butt off yesterday just being a mom and then all it seems that I got from it was the *occasional* tantrum, demand for more of me than I felt that I had to give, and a way too late bedtime.  Then, as I fought all day for patience, I slip up at the end of the day and express frustration and impatience in my tone to my littles leaving me to go to bed fighting guilt on top of all the other battles.  Grace.  I need to remember g...

I am in the middle of a storm. A big one.  Perhaps the most raging and dark one of my life so far. Perhaps not, but it's hard to remember how bad storms were once they blow over. I am in a swirl of circumstances that all are either hard, painful, stressful, crushing, frustrating and...very near to making me toy with the word "DESPAIR."  As a believer I know that I am not called to a life of fear, anxiety and hopelessness....rather, I am called...commanded...to have a life of joy in every  circumstance.  To not fear or be anxious but to present my needs to the Lord in prayer and petition.  To be hopeful because Christ is my hope.  He already died and rose for me, which is all I need, so there is already victory.   Yet...wave after wave of circumstances slap me in the face like I was born to eat sand. I hear a constant voice of "you can't do it, it's too hard, you're a failure, this is never going to get better, you're alone, God's not liste...

Well, We have successfully completed 2 weeks today of our dietary experimenting (again, if anyone wants to read about it, you can go  here  ).  I am going to keep this short and sweet because...I'm hangry.  Yes, I just used the word that I only know from my brother in law Chris, the combination of hungry and angry.  Perhaps it is a well known word but I just attribute it to Chris. :) ANYWAY.  Because I am hangry, I don't feel like writing much.  So, just a brief update on how we're doing. 1. We have not cheated.  Ok, I take that back...Joshua has not cheated....I have...once.  It was for a burger and fries with a friend.  I had to.  I just did.  It was good.  But I got right back on the bandwagon, and yeahhhhhh. 2. We have found some french fries at a restaurant that are made in 100% olive oil, are organic potatoes and are DELICIOUS.  We may have eaten a few rounds of those.  Ok, Joshua has eaten them ...

WEEK 1 So, we are successfully 6 days into our eating experiment (which you can read about  here  ) and so far we have not suffered too much.  ;) Quick update and then some of the recipes we have really enjoyed: Joshua and I both have been "cleaning out" a bit more and both of us have felt less of a post meal "crash," especially Joshua.  While energy isn't up (which, we have two littles who don't really help in the energy dept anyway), it isn't worsening after a meal as it was before with carb/refined/sugar/dairy heavy foods.  I have gotten hives for several days in a row now, but I noticed it was after I started eating peanut butter in one of our recipes (which I will post).  I have been tested positive in the past for a peanut allergy.  I also noticed some of the scalp pain after the peanut butter was incorporated, so I'm keeping an eye on that.  Other than some cravings, both Joshua and myself have found it quite manageable to eat this w...

We are doing it. For a month.  Sweet deprivation    Clean food indulgence.  Did I mention for a month? Starting April 21st.  Let me explain. Joshua and I have been learning more and more about nutrition and how the food that we eat can drastically help or hurt our bodies and also just how modified almost all of the food we eat is (GMO).  After much research and some experimentation in the past, we have come to the conclusion that almost everything we eat almost is killing us somehow and we should go into a deep depression about it.  That was sarcasm, a bit of dry humor (ha ha?)...but for real...minus the depression part.  I won't go into all the science that we have learned but I will jump to the experiment we are going to do as a result of our learning.   GOALS for the experiment:  OUR HEALTH: Joshua and I both have been suffering from some really debilitating health issues (which I will list below) that we want to track as...

my hunger is insatiable, the root of it is traceable, all the way back to the lie that i, cannot have grace.    i know it's a lie, i've KNOWN it's a lie, yet somehow, i've been serving up it's soup, hoping that one day, it'll come back around to me, set me free, free from the bonds of trying.  i'm TRYING TO BE AN INVISIBLE SINNER.   love brings my sin to light, but in defensive flurry my eyes get blurry, and i start shooting a 12 gauge.  I KNOW I'M GUILTY BUT I MAKE LIGHT OF IT B/C I DON'T KNOW GRACE.   i can't feel grace, i can't see grace, so there must be no grace, right?   wrong. right?   my desire for grace is strong, but until the iron grip of the lie of a graceless life is removed, my pain will be plenty.   God, help me. I've been working overtime on earning my grace, trying to set up my future glory. a good deed here, right heart there, investing in my salvation as if i believe in pu...