Thursday, November 13, 2014

A Day in the LIFE (in which I attempt to write something humorous on a dead brain)

I am about to commence an end of the day, entirely at the end of myself, barely have a brain left, post that describes a typical day in the life as a stay at home mom. I shall write this post by quoting Israel, Jericho and myself.  There shall be a narrator, and that narrator shall be myself, since I am writing this blog, and I want my own personal thoughts inserted. Is this even making sense? I'm not sure. Like I said, I am at "barely have a brain" stage. Whatever. Here we go.  No...wait...please make sure to read the "DISCLAIMER" at the end of this post, ok?

Me: Rolls over...feels for hubs...hubs is up already getting ready for work.  "Phew, I have 21 more minutes until Israel wakes up to try to grab a few more z's!"
*thump* *thump thump thump* *eyes staring at my face at the side of the bed*
Next 45 min-
Israel: (in bed with me) "Hummm hummmm"...."nose kisses mommy! 'boop boop boop!'"*kick, flop, roll.*
Me: "Want to watch a movie?" 
Israel: "How bout that one!? no THAT one! NO not THAT one!" 
Narrator: "Sarah likely is having a conversation in her head at this point about how worth it is it to try to grab a quick shower while her son is corralled in his high chair with a banana, apple and on his lucky days, coconut macaWOON.  Any minute Jericho will wake crying and isn't 5 min of laying in bed far surpassing of clean hair?"
Me showering: *Insert various and sundry interruptions and neediness pulling me out of said shower.* 
Narrator:  As narrator, I choose to delete the plethora of conversations or noises during the kids' eating, diaper changes, more eating, more diaper changes, and re-discovering of the toys put neatly away the night before. 
Me: *Looking longingly at the coffee pot.* Coffee, glorious coffee. 
Israel: "Mommy gotta make some coffee, mommy?" 
Me: *smiles* Thinks, "gosh he knows me well!"
2-3 cups coffee later
Me: "Wow, thank you Lord for the grace of coffee! Thank you for this energy which wasn't here this morning! Thank you for the joy they are and for the blessing it is that I get to be their mommy."
Narrator: The above prayer is actually a genuine one, not at all sarcastic.  However, it may or may not be a tad bit influenced by copious amounts of caffeine, but nonetheless, Sarah is well aware that it is a command of God's to be joyful always, and always we can find joy if we ask and look for it.
Early morning pre-nap:
Cars, crayons, crying, trains, play-doh...and THEN:

Israel: "Mommy! Israel go poo poo potty and pee pee potty and then get a SSSCHLOCOLATE CHIP!? One for pee pee one for poo poo!?" 
Sarah: Cleans up melty chocolate after the two deeds are done and the treat doled out...and eaten. Slowly, savored (melted) and eaten. 
More playing, laughs, tears.
Israel: *walks over to a corner where Jericho made a huge mess and exclaims to himself 'are you serious!? Are you SERIOUS!?'" 
Jericho: *cries and fusses*
Israel: "Golly Jericho, stop whining!"
Me: (about to tell Israel it probably won't help Jericho to tell her to stop whining, especially in that tone of voice, then realizing that he is probably saying that as a repeat of what I likely said to him moments before) *opens mouth.* *Closes mouth.*

Narrator: Again, I'll spare the little details of diapers, water cups, sheet on, sheet off, door opened, noise machines set, etc etc. 
Sarah: *scuttles off to make some lunch* *Fixes lunch.* *sits down to eat...*
Jericho: "Waaaaaaahhhh!" 
Me: "Are you serious? Are you SERIOUS!? You're going to kill yourself from sleep deprivation, little girl!"
Narrator: What Sarah probably means in the statement above is: "YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME WITH YOUR LACK OF SLEEPING, LITTLE GIRL!" need to really point that out...
The remainder of Israel's naptime is spent playing with Jericho in a room where her delicate noises won't wake him.
Jericho: "cah-cah? CAH-cah!? CAH-CAH!"  
Narrator: (cah cah is Jericho's universal word for food, and it is translated as "cracker"). 
Narrator: lunch is lunch....some days hot dogs, other days... hot dogs. And maybe some eggs. Why don't we skip to post lunch...
Post lunch on the way to the grocery store-
Israel: After sitting silently, suddenly calls out "mommy don't gotta wiener!" 
Mommy and Israel: *discuss who does and doesn't have a wiener*
Grocery store-
Narrator: "Beenana chips" munched on as Sarah tries to make it through the store. Of course, this isn't too hard as both of her kids are so well behaved and sit quietly munching in the shopping cart, smiling at strangers, loving life, and even helping Sarah remember items on her list at times....of course!
Checking out at the grocery store-
Cashier to Israel: "Hi, how are you?"
Israel: "I like scones!!"
Narrator: ummm...sweet!?
Home late afternoon time-
Israel: "Can I take this car in bath? This one? How about this one!? And this one?"
Sarah: "Sure, just take the whole bucket!"

****30 min of "easy entertainment" time is ended abruptly early as Sarah has to follow through with discipline...dumping water out of the tub onto the floor...on purpose...equals all done bath.****
Narrator: More left out details of continued playtime, snacks, diapers, laughs, cries, and...oh! Sarah forgot to mention that she got a load of laundry in the wash (so what if it's still wet in the washer and not in the dryer 5 hours later!?) and 8.89% of the dishes done from the day!
Sarah finds out from a friend that Israel informed her that she had "lots of milk!" 
Narrator: "Milk," according to Israel, are...breasts. Yup, I just said it...breasts.  Annnnnnnd the outspoken observations from a thankfully loveable toddler begin...
Narrator: The switch is the time of day when both matter how good the day went for them and how well behaved they were...turn into wild, naughty, screaming, crying completely exhausting children, all whilst Sarah is trying to make supper. 
Sarah: "Jericho, stop hanging on mommy's legs!"
Sarah: "Jericho! My PANTS! *looks around* "Glad I'm alone in here!"
Narrator: Yes, Jericho did pull her mommy's pant clear to the floor one day.  How's that for a laugh?
Israel: "Israel gotta watch REAL trains on mommy's computer? Daddy gotta fix mommy's computer!"

Jericho: *cries some more*
Israel: "Israel gotta eat some of Jericho's puffs?"
Narrator: Puffs are the little cheerio-like snacks for babies...only they are real "natural" flavors such as "blueberry-blue sweet potato-banana."  I'm not joking!
Post two hours of terror, 7pm-
...The routine. Total sweetness. Songs, prayers, jammies, teeth, diapers, water...
Israel: *belts out from his bed* "Amaaaaaaaaaaaaazinnnng GWACE!!!"
Me: "Amazing grace indeed....thank you Lord for this day and for getting me through it.

Oh, in case you were wondering, here is what I look like immediately following my morning coffee:

Here is what I look like at the end of the day after the coffee has long since worn off :

Here is a day we mixed it up and had NOODLES with our HOT DOG!

****DISCLAIMER: I absolutely LOVE being mom to our dear children.  I wouldn't change it for the world.  This blogpost is real life, people...and sometimes I need to put a little humor on that real life at the end of a hard day.

1 comment:

  1. Sarah!!! ROTFL!!! You are SUCH a good writer- even with a tired brain!! I so enjoyed your humor, getting a glimpse of your day, the pictures at the end!, it will get easier.. Jericho sounds like the kind of baby Samuel was. Exhausting! But soooooooo special- at 1 year he went from crying alllllllll the timmme to a curly headed, smiley, happy go lucky, toddling bundle of joy!!! Its amazing what a few mo can do & you're doing an amazing job at juggling it all and being there for them during this crazy demanding time. They'll remember mama's smiles and comfort.. Love you & hang in there